Some people think that subjects like arts, music, drama and creative writing contribute more towards a child's overall development. The school curriculum should provide more time for these subjects to be taught if the school wants the all-round development of children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #subjects #arts #music #drama #child #development #school #curriculum #time #children

It is a very debatable topic

now-a-days

Correct the word

nowadays

show examples

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

whether more

time

should be provided to

children

for

extra curricular

Correct your spelling

extracurricular

show examples

activies

Correct your spelling

activities

or not. A part of society is in

favor

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favour

show examples

of providing more

time

while

other

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others

show examples

are against

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apply

show examples

this

subject. Prior to furnishing any opinion, I shall be expatiating both

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

points of

views

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view

show examples

in the upcoming paragraphs. The ones who are in

favor

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favour

show examples

that schools should spare more

time

for additional activities like arts, music, drama, etcetera have their own views.

Firslty

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Firstly

, these

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

should provide a break

Change preposition

for

show examples

the students from their

acedemics

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academic

academics

study

Fix the agreement mistake

studies

show examples

This

helps to increase their output, as they feel more relaxed and refreshed if they have 2-3 lectures for these activities during the day.

Moreover

, by giving exposure to young ones they will get a chance to choose their career as per their interest.

For example

, many students in the school are choosing arts as their main area of career and following their passion.

On the other hand

, the people who are against

this

view point

Correct your spelling

viewpoint

show examples

have their own reasons. The main reason is that pupils make an excuse to run from

studies

Correct pronoun usage

their studies

show examples

. If

children

gets

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get

show examples

more involved in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

co-curricular activities they will try to avoid

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

acedemic

Correct your spelling

academic

studies

and by giving reason

for instance

, that we have

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show examples

drama practice class, they will enjoy their period as free. Another reason is that, at a young age mentees are not in a position to

take

Correct your spelling

make

show examples

their decisions well and may waste their

time

by neither doing

studies

nor being aware

about

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show examples

their

actually

Change the word

actual

show examples

interest

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interests

show examples

Due to

this

Add a comma

,this

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they will feel depressed and

embarresed

Correct your spelling

embarrassed

in future when

few

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a few

show examples

of their friends

acheived

Correct your spelling

achieved

achieve

something in life and they have not done anything.

To conclude

, though people have many reasons to support both the

view points

Correct your spelling

viewpoints

show examples

but

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apply

show examples

I am of the opinion that schools should provide

time

for extra-curricular

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

but not in excess.

Because more

Correct word choice

show examples

involvement in these gives

children

a way to run from

studies

and

children

will

Verb problem

apply

show examples

might

take

Correct your spelling

make

show examples

inappropriate decisions related to their careers.

Submitted by caashishgoyal96 on Mon Sep 25 2023

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
36Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

342 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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