IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels od sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #od #sugar #health #people
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Nowadays, a lot of drinks and food
products
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 contain high levels of
sugar
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 which might badly
impacted
Change the verb form
impact
be impacted
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 health
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
products
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 with
sugar
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 should be not cheap and encourage
people
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co
Correct your spelling
to
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use
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 less
sugar
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. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion because it can prevent economic
issues
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 and help
people
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 to overcome disease. One of the widely discussed
issues
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 nowadays is sugary
products
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 which
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 more expensive to encourage
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population
Add an article
the population
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 to
use
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 less them
due to
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 the fact that every year the
quanity
Correct your spelling
quantity
quality
 of sugary
products
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decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
 because of
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people
Correct article usage
the people
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 who
use
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it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, all
population
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 of
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world
Add an article
the world
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 can die,
therefore
Linking Words
 to prevent it consumers should try
to do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
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use
Fix the infinitive
to use
show examples
 them. For
Correct your spelling
instance
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
, one of the most popular country
Africa
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in Africa
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 nowadays
suffer
Correct subject-verb agreement
suffers
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 from starvation because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of food and
sugar
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products
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. Recent research found that all
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population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
 of the
world
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 might suffer from starvation like
Africa
Change preposition
in Africa
show examples
 if they do not make
products
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 namely
sugar
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 more expensive. Another reason is that in today's
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world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 most
people
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 struggle with diseases
which link
Wrong verb form
that are linked
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with
Change preposition
to
show examples
sugar
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 problems.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
this person
these people
show examples
people
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 always want to eat or drink things which contains
high
Add an article
a high
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 level of
sugar
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 because their organism requires it ,
therefore
Linking Words
people
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 go to the markets to buy sugary
products
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.
However
Linking Words
, the high cost of
products
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do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not allow
people
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 to buy them because
people
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 do not have a stable income to buy it.
For instance
Linking Words
, if sugary
products
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cost
Verb problem
are
show examples
 cheap, the majority of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 who have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
an issue
issues
show examples
issues
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 with health will buy them.
As a result
Linking Words
, they might die because of the high level of
sugar
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 which
contains
Wrong verb form
is contained
show examples
 there.
Furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Arizona University showed in their statistics that over half of
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 who did not
use
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 sugary
products
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 were prevented from death. In conclusion,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
world
Use synonyms
 might be prevented from economic
issues
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 if sugary
products
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will be
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 cost expensive and
people
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 who struggle with diseases
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 overcome
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that sugary
products
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 will make our life more disciple.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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