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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture.Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #culture #tourism #revenue
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People
Use synonyms
 consider that earning
tourism
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 income may ruin the
culture
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,
while
Linking Words
 some individuals argue that there are none of methods to preserve
culture
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 except
tourism
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. In my opinion, I agree that
culture
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 can be protected by the tourist industry. The statement
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
 the revenue of
tourism
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 ruining the
culture
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 is the result of
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people
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people's
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 behaviours
to
Change preposition
toward
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 the environment and
culture
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.
That is
Linking Words
 true because some
people
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 might react offensively to the
religous
Correct your spelling
religion
 or
culture
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 of a particular place or they don't care about the rules of the
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
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 which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to a vast destruction of
culture
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, and
also
Linking Words
 make the beauty of the
people
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, place, and
culture
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 fade away.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 and I do agree that there are some benefits of
tourism
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can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 protect the
culture
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. To explain, if the
tourism
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 of a country or a place is up to standard and is in the state of art, it can bring the local
people
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 huge income from visitors.
For example
Linking Words
, they can build more accommodations and provide more facilities to the
traveler
Fix the agreement mistake
travelers
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 so that they won't feel uncomfortable
hence
Linking Words
 they can enjoy the experience of
culture
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 more profoundly. In conclusion, some
people
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 believe that
culture
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 will be ruined if it is used to earn
tourism
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 revenue, but others and I consider that
tourism
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 is the only way of protecting
culture
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but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
not
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ruining it.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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