IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting a culture. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #culture #tourism #revenue
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Opinions are divided on whether
culture
Use synonyms
 will be ruined because of exploiting it for
tourism
Use synonyms
 to create revenue or whether some people believe that
culture
Use synonyms
 is being protected.
While
Linking Words
 I understand the reason behind the former view, I
am still agree
Change the verb form
still agree
show examples
 that
tourism
Use synonyms
 will help
culture
Use synonyms
 expand
exist
Correct word choice
and exist
show examples
 for longer. On the one hand, people who think
culture
Use synonyms
 is valuable are eroded if they are exploited to
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 money. The reason is that the loss of traditional cultures makes a group of society angry.
For example
Linking Words
, Pho, a traditional
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Viet Nam have many variants that can
make
Verb problem
increase
show examples
 the value of the food
gone
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 it does not inspire anything except make it worse because it has been made in the wrong
way
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of awareness of the importance of
culture
Use synonyms
 is another reason for making
tourism
Use synonyms
 dangerous if it is not done in the right
way
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other people think that
tourism
Use synonyms
 is a very effective
way
Use synonyms
 to keep
Correct article usage
the culuture
show examples
culuture
Correct your spelling
culture
exist
Wrong verb form
existing
show examples
, the best
way
Use synonyms
 to keep it
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
show examples
 is to give it some broadcasts which
tourism
Use synonyms
 is very good at. Thanks to tourists who come over the world,
culture
Use synonyms
 in many countries
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been saved and developed, they come, try, go back to
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 country and share
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
experieces
Correct your spelling
experiences
, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the
scocial
Correct your spelling
social
 effect even
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better.
Tourism
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 the government’s budget, which can
also
Linking Words
 be used in many
program
Change to a plural noun
programs
show examples
 to conserve
culture
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 several individual
thin
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
 that travel should be responsible for bad
effective
Replace the word
effects
show examples
 on
culture
Use synonyms
, it
also
Linking Words
 no doubt that
tourism
Use synonyms
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
interest in
culture
Use synonyms
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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