IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

#people #culture #tourism #revenue
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Many individuals think that
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 from
tourism
Use synonyms
 will destroy
culture
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others believe that
tourism
Use synonyms
 is the best way to protect
culture
Use synonyms
.
Make
Wrong verb form
Making
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 from
tourism
Use synonyms
 is thought to destroy
culture
Use synonyms
 because lots of
Use synonyms
tourist
Change to a plural noun
tourists
show examples
 now
don’t
Use synonyms
 give any respect to it, but I widely agree with
whom
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 think that
culture
Use synonyms
 will be protected by
tourism
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due to
Linking Words
 its
popular
Replace the word
popularity
show examples
 and fanicial.
To begin
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 from
tourism
Use synonyms
 will destroy
culture
Use synonyms
 because lots of
Use synonyms
tourist
Change to a plural noun
tourists
show examples
 now
don’t
Use synonyms
 give any respect to it. To explain, some
Use synonyms
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays just
don’t
Use synonyms
 care about the
culture
Use synonyms
 some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
even ridicule the
culture
Use synonyms
 of the local
people
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, the reason is they
don’t
Use synonyms
 understand the value of it. So that, it makes an enormous problem to the
culture
Use synonyms
 that it will disappear by the day.
However
Linking Words
, I agree that the best way to protect
culture
Use synonyms
Linking Words
due
Add a missing verb
is due
show examples
 to its
popular
Replace the word
popularity
show examples
 and
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
. It is convincing to realize that
tourism
Use synonyms
 will motivate
people
Use synonyms
 to come in to try and learn more about the local
culture
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
tourism
Use synonyms
 can furnish
money
Use synonyms
 in order to improve the facilities to
facilitating
Wrong verb form
facilitate
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
to develop
Wrong verb form
development
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 can buy traditional things like clothes,
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
,
....
Replace the punctuation
...
show examples
They can
also
Linking Words
 donate
money
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for
Change preposition
to
show examples
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 in order to make
Use synonyms
culture
Correct article usage
the culture
show examples
 more developed.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
Use synonyms
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 may give some good
coments
Correct your spelling
comments
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
 in
places
Correct article usage
the places
show examples
 that they visited so that more
people
Use synonyms
 can know about it. In conclusion,
tourism
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 both positive
as well as
Linking Words
 negative. But in my opinion, I lead to the statement that
tourism
Use synonyms
 is the only way of protecting
culture
Use synonyms
 because
tourism
Use synonyms
 can give more
money
Use synonyms
 to improve the
culture
Use synonyms
 and advertise it for more
people
Use synonyms
 can know.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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