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Band 6.5

The bar charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.

The bar charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.
#bar #show #study #students #age #groups #amount #support #employers
The bar charts give information about the principal reasons chosen by the students for study showing us various groups and the volume of support that employers gave them.
Overall
, the first graph explaining the reasons for
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
according to
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 of students
let
Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
show examples
 us know that
people
 under 30 years old often choose their studies only for
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 career.
By contrast
, we can see on the other chart usually these young boys and girls receive
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
quite good support.
Firstly
, we can see that 80% of
people
 under 26 decide
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
 studies for the nature of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 career
while
 only 10% choose it for interest.
Then
, in the older
ages
Add a comma
ages,
show examples
 the percentages change completely when we start looking at the adults over 49 that have 70% of their decisions for passion and only 20 for the proper career.
Secondly
, the youngest
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
clear higher support than
people
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 30 years old at least. Under 26 years old we can notice that the percentage is
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
70%
while
 adults with more than 30 only have 30%.
This
 percentage will
finally
 grow when we look closer at
people
 over 49.
Submitted by santos_dij on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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