The bar charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.

The bar charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The bar charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.
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The bar charts give information about the principal reasons chosen by the students for study showing us various groups and the volume of support that employers gave them.
Overall
Linking Words
, the first graph explaining the reasons for
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
according to
Linking Words
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
of students
let
Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
show examples
us know that
people
Use synonyms
under 30 years old often choose their studies only for
the
Change the word
their
show examples
career.
By contrast
Linking Words
, we can see on the other chart usually these young boys and girls receive
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
quite good support.
Firstly
Linking Words
, we can see that 80% of
people
Use synonyms
under 26 decide
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
studies for the nature of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
career
while
Linking Words
only 10% choose it for interest.
Then
Linking Words
, in the older
ages
Add a comma
ages,
show examples
the percentages change completely when we start looking at the adults over 49 that have 70% of their decisions for passion and only 20 for the proper career.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the youngest
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
clear higher support than
people
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
30 years old at least. Under 26 years old we can notice that the percentage is
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
70%
while
Linking Words
adults with more than 30 only have 30%.
This
Linking Words
percentage will
finally
Linking Words
grow when we look closer at
people
Use synonyms
over 49.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • age groups
  • career advancement
  • personal development
  • employer support
  • external aid
  • correlation
  • intrinsic motivation
  • career enhancement
  • societal impacts
  • workforce development
  • lifelong learning
  • primary reasons
  • motivation for study
  • part-time studies
  • career-oriented
  • personal interest
  • educational pursuit
  • study motivation
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