The bar charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.

The bar charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The bar charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.
The figures below give information about why different
persons
Check wording
people
show examples
are at university and
also
Linking Words
the support that they have received when they start their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can notice that most people are studying because they want to succeed in a career, and the younger ones are those who received more help.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the first bar chart clearly shows that younger students, once they have finished their studies, aim to find a job. We can see that it is the case for people between 26 and 39
years
Use synonyms
old.
Then
Linking Words
, for students between 40 and 49
years
Use synonyms
old, there are half of them
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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want to manage a career and the other half
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are studying for interest. And,
finally
Linking Words
, 70% of older persons, who are people over 49
years
Use synonyms
old, are at university for interest and only 20% to find a new job.
Next,
Linking Words
we can discover
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
the second bar graph
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
that the more students are young, the more employers will support them. Indeed, 60% of persons under 26
years
Use synonyms
old received help with fees or time
off
Punctuation problem
off,
show examples
while
Linking Words
for those who are between 40 and 49
years
Use synonyms
old, the rate is only about 30%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • age groups
  • career advancement
  • personal development
  • employer support
  • external aid
  • correlation
  • intrinsic motivation
  • career enhancement
  • societal impacts
  • workforce development
  • lifelong learning
  • primary reasons
  • motivation for study
  • part-time studies
  • career-oriented
  • personal interest
  • educational pursuit
  • study motivation
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