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Writing Samples
Band 5

A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the action of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? What can be done to reduce violance in our society today?

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Nowadays, many individuals argue that the shows of
violence
Use synonyms
 in
films
Use synonyms
 and movies influence
teenagers
Use synonyms
 to take an
action
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 of being brutal.
Hence
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, it impacts the rise of the
violence
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 rates in the
community
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. I completely agree with
this
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 argument, and I believe
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parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 and governments’
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role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
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 are needed to decrease the cruelty number
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days. In
this
Linking Words
 particular essay, the statement will be discussed. Undoubtedly, a lot of
films
Use synonyms
 are shown on TV or in the movie theatre containing violent acts from the
actor
Fix the agreement mistake
actors
show examples
.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 scene affects the
action
Use synonyms
 of youngsters to do some brutality.
Then
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,
this
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 brutality
action
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 leads to the growth of the amount of
violence
Use synonyms
 in the
community
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.
Therefore
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, to overcome
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon, the governments are responsible for taking a
role
Use synonyms
 since they have the authority to make policies about
films
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.
For instance
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
policymakers can create a
regulation
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 of the minimum age
that is
Linking Words
 allowed to watch movies that contain violent scenes. So,
teenagers
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 will
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
 restricted from watching
films
Use synonyms
 with cruel acts.
In addition
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, the restriction for
teenagers
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 to watch
films
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 is not enough if
parents
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 do not take any
action
Use synonyms
 to support the
regulation
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. In fact,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 at a young age tend to follow an
action
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 based on what they are watching, recently.
Hence
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,
parents
Use synonyms
 need to oversee their children by supporting the
regulation
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 of restricting youngsters by forbidding them to watch violent
films
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.
In addition
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,
parents
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 are able to guide their children to choose which
films
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 that suits for their age.
Therefore
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, those actions can prevent
violence
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happens
Verb problem
apply
show examples
that can lead to a decline in the
violence
Use synonyms
 rate in the
community
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. To summarize, I wholeheartedly agree that young people are influenced by violent scenes in the movies, and it impacts the rising of cruel rates in the
community
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.
Therefore
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,
Correct article usage
the government’s
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government’s’
Correct your spelling
government’s
governments
role
Use synonyms
 is needed by making
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
regulation
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 of
films
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 and
parents
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’
role
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 to support the
regulation
Use synonyms
 for their children.

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