IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Medical procedures for cosmetic purposes should not be allowed. Do you agree or disagree?

#procedures #purposes
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One of the major discussed issues nowadays is the appearance of
people
. It is undeniable that
people
 like beautiful things, and to
people
 it is
also
 influenced. But there question of whether allowing medical procedures for cosmetic aim should be agreed upon or disagreed. A commonly held belief that
people
 shouldn't
change
 themselves to others' opinions. As
evidence
Add a comma
,evidence
show examples
 they point to
a
Change the article
an
show examples
American social man who looks not attractive, but whoever it is, he ignores his criticism and does what he wants.
Furthermore
, the real beautiful thing is inside of
people
. Eventually, your real look decides your real behaviour
people
 with you and
people
 who really love you.
On the other hand
,
people
 want another body or face and confidence. To
this
 was a woman who had plastic changes on her body.
Then
 she went to the cinema to be an actress. She was a very successful woman at that time.
Furthermore
,
people
change
 themselves,because it is occasionally necessary. Summarisingly
people
 have their own business and nobody can't impact
this
. In conclusion, I would rather
to
Remove the marker
apply
show examples
choose to disagree with the cosmetic
change
. Because of
this
 I tend to that when you
change
 yourself it is only for you, but when you let's just say married and have children your DNK may influence them, as DNK is unchangeable. It is your own opinion, your own business, but from
this
 other
people
 mustn't suffer.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: