IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show the results of a survey of the primary exercise objectives and locations of a selected group of adults between 20 and 50 years of age. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the results of a survey of the primary exercise objectives and locations of a selected group of adults between 20 and 50 years of age. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #results #survey #exercise #objectives #locations #group #adults #years #age #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The
pie
 charts provide information
what
Change preposition
about what
show examples
 makes
people
 most happy
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 20 and 50
years
 of
age
Overall
, it can be seen that
people
 under 30
years
 of
age
 and over 30
years
 of
age
both
 ages
people
 are most happy
Change preposition
with achievement
show examples
achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
 at
work
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 31% and 32%. And least happy
both
age
 groups other factors which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 14% and 10% Looking at the first
pie
chart
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
people
 under 30 ages are
most happy
Change the adjective
the happiest
show examples
Change preposition
with achievement
show examples
Change preposition
with achievement
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
 at
work
 31% and doing other habits is less happy than
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
 at
work
 ,which is 22%.
Then
, having a good appearance has decreased 4% as compared
doing
Change preposition
to doing
show examples
 hobbies, which is 18%,respectively. Travelling and other factors are
also
 reduced
both
Change preposition
in both
show examples
activities
 approximately
equal
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
15% and 14%
that
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 difference
1
Change preposition
of 1
show examples
% as compared
both
Change preposition
to both
show examples
activities
. Turning to the second
pie
chart
 that
infrom
Verb problem
apply
show examples
about over 40
years
age
Correct word choice
old
show examples
people
make
Verb problem
are
show examples
 least happy
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
activities
 and most happy
achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
 at
work
,which is 32%.
Therefore
, doing hobbies
people
Fix the infinitive
to people
show examples
 make happy
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
decreased
8
Change preposition
by 8
show examples
%
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
achievements at
work
that is
 24%.
Financiall
Correct your spelling
Financial
 security and being with family
both
 are newly added ,which has
nkt
Correct your spelling
not
 the first
pie
chart
.
Correct article usage
Both
show examples
The
Correct article usage
Both
show examples
both
activities
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
people
 happy
20%and
Correct your spelling
20% and
 14% ,which is more than the first
chart
.
Submitted by ayeshatulmaowa79 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words pie, people, years, age, both, achievement, work, chart, activities with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼

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