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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the results of a survey of the primary exercise objectives and locations of a selected group of adults between 20 and 50 years of age. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the results of a survey of the primary exercise objectives and locations of a selected group of adults between 20 and 50 years of age. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #results #survey #exercise #objectives #locations #group #adults #years #age #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The
pie
Use synonyms
 charts provide information
what
Change preposition
about what
show examples
 makes
people
Use synonyms
 most happy
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 20 and 50
years
Use synonyms
 of
age
Use synonyms
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
people
Use synonyms
 under 30
years
Use synonyms
 of
age
Use synonyms
 and over 30
years
Use synonyms
 of
age
Use synonyms
both
Use synonyms
 ages
people
Use synonyms
 are most happy
Use synonyms
Change preposition
with achievement
show examples
achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
 at
work
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 31% and 32%. And least happy
both
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 groups other factors which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 14% and 10% Looking at the first
pie
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 under 30 ages are
most happy
Change the adjective
the happiest
show examples
Use synonyms
Change preposition
with achievement
show examples
Change preposition
with achievement
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
 at
work
Use synonyms
 31% and doing other habits is less happy than
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
 at
work
Use synonyms
 ,which is 22%.
Then
Linking Words
, having a good appearance has decreased 4% as compared
doing
Change preposition
to doing
show examples
 hobbies, which is 18%,respectively. Travelling and other factors are
also
Linking Words
 reduced
Use synonyms
both
Change preposition
in both
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 approximately
equal
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
15% and 14%
that
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 difference
1
Change preposition
of 1
show examples
% as compared
Use synonyms
both
Change preposition
to both
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
. Turning to the second
pie
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 that
infrom
Verb problem
apply
show examples
about over 40
years
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
age
Correct word choice
old
show examples
people
Use synonyms
make
Verb problem
are
show examples
 least happy
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 and most happy
Use synonyms
achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
 at
work
Use synonyms
,which is 32%.
Therefore
Linking Words
, doing hobbies
Use synonyms
people
Fix the infinitive
to people
show examples
 make happy
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
decreased
8
Change preposition
by 8
show examples
%
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
achievements at
work
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 24%.
Financiall
Correct your spelling
Financial
 security and being with family
both
Use synonyms
 are newly added ,which has
nkt
Correct your spelling
not
 the first
pie
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
.
Correct article usage
Both
show examples
The
Correct article usage
Both
show examples
both
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 happy
20%and
Correct your spelling
20% and
 14% ,which is more than the first
chart
Use synonyms
.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words pie, people, years, age, both, achievement, work, chart, activities with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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