IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Linking Words
This
Change the determiner
These
show examples
 two graphs
illustate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
 the the survey of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
male and female activities
such
Linking Words
 as
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
 and leisure.
Survey
Add an article
The survey
A survey
show examples
 has considered six activities among the children.
Overall
Linking Words
, most of the boys participate
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer games
while
Linking Words
 most of the girls participate
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dancing. With regards to the first pie chart, the
most
Change the adjective
apply
show examples
highest
males
Correct quantifier usage
number of males
show examples
 participate
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 computer games ,it is around 34%. Basketball
participants
Change noun form
participant's
participants'
show examples
 male percentage is just over the quoter 26% and soccer and skateboarding are the next
Correct quantifier usage
most famouse
show examples
famouse
Correct your spelling
famous
 activity
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 17% and 11% , respectively. The lowest
attend
Wrong verb form
attended
show examples
 activity is reading, it is
acounted
Correct your spelling
accounted
counted
2
Change preposition
for 2
show examples
%.
Compare
Wrong verb form
Compared
show examples
 to boys, girls
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 list of
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
. The
most
Capitalize word
Most
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
participate
Wrong verb form
participated
show examples
 in dancing which was 27% and
female
Correct article usage
the female
show examples
 reading
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 higher than
Correct article usage
the boys
show examples
boys
Change noun form
boys'
boy's
show examples
 percentage it is 21%. Netball and the computer games proportions are quite equal, it has just
1
Correct article usage
a 1
show examples
% percentage
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
.
Similerly
Correct your spelling
Similarly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gymnastics and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
listening to music
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 close
partipate
Correct your spelling
participate
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: