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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but other consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture.Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #culture #tourism #revenue
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Many individuals have a view that using the tourism industry to make money can destroy tradition because of the difference in the culture but some
people
Use synonyms
 have other thoughts
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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that it is the only solution to saving values or sharing them
to
Change preposition
with
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 others.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the second statement. First of all, most of the countries around the world are keeping their civilization limited to the exhibition centres and Museums.
However
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 travelling
people
Use synonyms
 see superficial art, crafts and other ornamental things.
For example
Linking Words
, Pakistan is famous for its traditional clothes worldwide but, at present,
due to
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 modernization many
people
Use synonyms
 over there are forgetting about their actual origin and representing a different picture of
western
Capitalize word
Western
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 culture in front of the world.
Although
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 it is better to earn money,
but
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apply
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they are neglecting their traditional importance.
On the other hand
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, there are
believe
Replace the word
beliefs
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to
Change preposition
in
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 the contract, a number of the community say that by travelling, the customs of different nations can be protected in terms of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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moral values. For
in stance
Correct your spelling
instance
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, Turkey is famous for its historical places and there is no drastic drastic change in the living style of their
people
Use synonyms
.
This
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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reffects
Correct your spelling
affects
 their cultural values in an ethical way.
However
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, humans around the
globlal
Correct your spelling
globe
 are usually impressed when they see no difference between the past and the present.
To conclude
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, travelling can weaken a country's culture
however
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 it has many benefits to preserve the customs. In my opinion, tourism is quite good for tradition because
,
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apply
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 it represents the country's image and brings them into the world.
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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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