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Band 2.5

Some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Dicuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #culture #tourism #revenue #dicuss
Many individuals identify that
earn
Wrong verb form
earning
show examples
 income for
tourism
base
Wrong verb form
based
show examples
 on
culture
 will lead to heavy loss
whereas
 some personal believe that
culture
 will be guarded by
tourism
.
This
 essay will show that
culture
 will be protected absolutely by
tourism
 and
also
 demonstrate the reasons why
culture
 may get
ruin
Wrong verb form
ruined
show examples
 with
tourism
 revenue. The modern way of thinking is
according to
 the number of travellers and tourists each
years
Change to a singular noun
year
show examples
. If more people enjoy visiting, they will recognize the value of
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
 that have a big impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their future life.
As a result
, everybody can receive lots of helpful
knownledge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and they decide to maintain valuable
culture
 for many
next
Change preposition
of next
show examples
 generations.
In contrast
 with
argument
Add an article
the argument
show examples
 above, some people consider that
culture
 will probably
destroy
Wrong verb form
be destroyed
show examples
 if it
contin
Correct your spelling
contains
 ue at earning revenue by
tourism
. Especially
who
Correct determiner usage
those who
show examples
 have ambitiousness
want
Correct word choice
and want
show examples
 to dispossess for their own and their purpose.
Besides
, there
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
may
have
Verb problem
be
show examples
 someone who got wrong thinking that modern will replace almost ancient. From my perspective, it is extra-important and necessary to defend
culture
 because of it's valuable history.
Moreover
, all individuals need to recognize as soon as
its
Change the pronoun
it
show examples
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 many
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 things to our social life. In conclusion,
culture
 will be guarded to uphold our valuable history because of it's massive impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 almost
people's
Correct determiner usage
all people's
show examples
 future
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
Correct article usage
the knownledge
show examples
knownledge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
social
Correct word choice
of society
show examples
.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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