IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people see animals as tools to be used by humans to better their lives. They believe animals should help feed us and keep us healthy by being subjects to experiments that will lead to new medications and medical processes. Others believe that animals should have the same rights to a good life as humans. Discuss both views and state your own.

Nowadays, the importance and purpose of animal species to the community have been an issue. Many populations
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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believe that these
animals
Use synonyms
 are necessary for our regular meals and help in improving our medical inventions.Some say that they should have equal rights and freedom like family
.
Check wording
members.
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This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the above notions and my own perspective. On one hand, pigs, chickens, fish and the like serve as food for all of us. They are our main source of nutrients and minerals our body needs. They have been raised to feed society. To illustrate
this
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, pigs are taken care of for many months in a pigpen
,
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 and provided with food and water to live. After they mature, they are sent to the buyers
or
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, or
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 some are roasted to eat
so
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, so
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 the owner can have her or his return on investment.Somehow, they are born to live and die to serve their purpose in life.
Furthermore
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, some
animals
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 are helpful in the medical field. They serve as the pioneers of any new medications or interventions that will help humankind.
For example
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, frogs have been widely used as an experimental sample for biology
as
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, as
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 their organs are
so
Rephrase
very
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 much the same as the
real
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human body.
This
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 leads to killing them in order for humans to explore and gain more knowledge through their dead bodies.
On the other hand
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,
animals
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 have precious growth just like humans. There are varied reasons why we should
also
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 value their heart.
Firstly
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, they are gifts from above. No crowd gave birth to an animal. Both must have equal rights to live in
this
Linking Words
 world without harming anyone.
For example
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, there are a lot of endangered and wild
animals
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 in the forest which are still untouchable and
known
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unknown
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by
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to
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the public. They tend to survive on their own without the help of anybody.They can play and enjoy their own habitat without the fear of being caught by
the
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people. They nurture their young ones in their own comfort.
In addition
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,
these
Correct determiner usage
the
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 animal kingdom serves as the frontline for our natural resources. They are the ones who protect and ensure the safety of our environment.
For instance
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,
flora
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a flower
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 cannot bloom
well
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apply
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to its beautiful flower without the help of a bee.
Nevertheless
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,insects play a vital part in a plant's growth.
In
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From
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 my own perspective, livestock should be given equal importance as people because it serves humanity for food and clothing and is an integral part of our mother nature.There are a variety of
animals
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, and these
animals
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 serve different uses.It can become a house pet or be used for financial income.
To sum up
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,
animals
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 and humans are partners in life in order to survive and live well. These pets are consumed for us to have energy and are mainly used for medical advancements.
Thus
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, consumers should take into consideration how to take care of them and preserve their genes in order for these
animals
Use synonyms
 to serve their purpose in the long run.

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structure
State your view clearly in the intro and end with a clear opinion.
structure
Make one main idea per paragraph and begin with a short topic line.
content
Use simple, clear examples that fit the point and explain how they support it.
grammar
Check grammar and break long sentences into shorter ones.
cohesion
Use easy link words to join ideas, like 'and', 'but', 'also', 'for example'.
content
You show both sides of the issue.
content
You use some real examples (pigs, frogs, bees).
structure
There is a clear plan with intro, body and conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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