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Writing Samples
Band 7

The two pie charts display the conclusion of leisure and cultural activities as preferred by boys and girls

The two pie charts display the conclusion of leisure and cultural activities as preferred by boys and girls
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The display two pie charts display the conclusion of
leisure
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 cultural
activities
Use synonyms
 as preferred by
boys
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
girls
Use synonyms
. There are 6
activities
Use synonyms
 for
girls
Use synonyms
 and
boys
Use synonyms
 they are basketball, soccer, reading,
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
, skateboarding, listening to
music
Use synonyms
, dancing, gymnastics, and netball.
boys
Use synonyms
' cultural and
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
,
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are the highest with 34%, basketball is 26%, soccer is 17%, reading is 2%, skateboarding is 11% and listening to
music
Use synonyms
 is 10%. In
girls
Use synonyms
 cultural and
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
, reading is 21%,
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are 16%, netball is 15%, listening to
music
Use synonyms
 is 10%, dancing is 27% and gymnastics 11%. There is a great difference between
girls
Use synonyms
 and
boys
Use synonyms
.
Boys
Use synonyms
 prefer to play
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 more.
Girls
Use synonyms
 prefer to dance more.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the above information describes the boy's and
girls
Use synonyms
' cultural and
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
. There are 6
activities
Use synonyms
 they are basketball, soccer, reading,
computer
Use synonyms
, skateboarding, listening to
music
Use synonyms
, dancing, gymnastics and netball.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words leisure, activities, boys, girls, computer, games, music with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "display" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "display" was used 2 times.
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