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Band 4.5

These days, more and more schools focus on science and social science subjects and choose not to teach children to sing, paint, sculpt, write creatively or dance. Should school-children study the arts?

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Nowadays, there are many schools
place
Correct pronoun usage
that place
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 a greater emphasis on teaching science courses since it can prepare pupils for university exams resulting in many kids with artistic talent
fail
Wrong verb form
failing
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 to study. Because of those things, I think that some
students
Use synonyms
 should be taught the
arts
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
sing
Replace the word
singing
show examples
,
paint
Wrong verb form
painting
show examples
,
write
Wrong verb form
writing
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 creatively or
dance
Wrong verb form
dancing
show examples
,
therefore
Linking Words
, others should not
be studied
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
 the
arts
Use synonyms
 for many reasons. Admittedly, there are many reasons why some graduates should not
be studied
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
 the
arts
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
sing
Replace the word
singing
show examples
,
paint
Wrong verb form
painting
show examples
 or
dance
Wrong verb form
dancing
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, those
students
Use synonyms
 do not have much
time
Use synonyms
 because of having
busy
Add an article
a busy
show examples
 timeline and spending
time
Use synonyms
 on studying art disciplines is a waste of
time
Use synonyms
.
Instead
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 should concentrate on learning science subjects in order to pass university examinations.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it causes ungifted
students
Use synonyms
 to become discouraged because they do not feel happy when learning it.
Instead
Linking Words
, they may be pressured by
time
Use synonyms
 because of the assignments assigned by art teachers.
For example
Linking Words
, painting assignments take a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 to complete so for non-talented
students
Use synonyms
 it is a kind of pressure.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who are talented in the
arts
Use synonyms
 but not in the natural sciences should be taught art-related courses,
therefore
Linking Words
, there should be many schools or universities for the
arts
Use synonyms
 in many big cities to increase the chances of getting into college for gifted
students
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, my city has more
college
Fix the agreement mistake
colleges
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 of
arts
Use synonyms
 to create artistic human resources for the entertainment industry.
Besides
Linking Words
, It can
also
Linking Words
 increase employment rates after college
such
Linking Words
 as
actor
Fix the agreement mistake
actors
show examples
,
actress
Fix the agreement mistake
actresses
show examples
 and celebrities.
For example
Linking Words
, many
students
Use synonyms
 graduating from film universities are accepted into entertainment companies or
famous
Add a missing verb
are famous
show examples
 for the skills learned. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some
students
Use synonyms
 don't necessarily need to study art subjects, others who are gifted should learn it.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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