More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions?

#people #drinks

Nowadays many

people

interested

Add a missing verb

are interested

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

drinking sugar-based

drinks

This

problem

Correct article usage

a problem

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or not,

this

essay will

about

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be about

show examples

those problems and how to solve

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

issues. There are lots of reasons for

people

drinking sugar-based

drinks

For example

lots of

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advertisements

show examples

around our

life

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lives

show examples

. We can see many

Change to a plural noun

advertisements

show examples

where

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on where

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street, on TV or between playing some e-game or using mobile applications. If we attend

Fix the agreement mistake

advertisements

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

drink

Fix the agreement mistake

drinks

show examples

, they are very interesting and like enjoyable.

However

, a number of

people

do not know the bad side of those

drinks

. Obviously, advertising of sugary

drinks

by famous

people

causes the interest of their fans. I think

this

procces

Correct your spelling

process

will

increasing

Wrong verb form

increase

show examples

in the future.

In addition

people

must know

healthy

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about healthy

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diet

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diets

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. It

Unnecessary verb

apply

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can save their health and money. Absolutely, these

very

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are very

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important things. Despite some obvious reasons described above, there are several actions that governments could take to solve the problems.

Firstly

, a simple solution would be to educate the

people

about

right

Correct article usage

the right

show examples

drinking

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to drink

show examples

. It can help

decreasing

Wrong verb form

decrease

show examples

count

Correct article usage

the count

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drink

useless sugar-based

beverage

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beverages

show examples

Secondy

Correct your spelling

Secondly

, advertising

usefull

Correct your spelling

useful

drinking for our health by

famous

Add an article

the famous

a famous

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person.

Thirdly

suggestion

Replace the word

suggest

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cheaper good

drinks

for easy buy for every person and everywhere. Some children interested

Change preposition

in drink

show examples

drink

Fix the agreement mistake

drinks

show examples

which

Correct your spelling

with

show examples

beautiful packaging.

Finally

Government have to ban soda

drink

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

school and

kindergarten

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in kindergarten

show examples

. Because especially young children can more

drink

and ill reason. In conclusion,

people

have to understand

bad

Correct article usage

the bad

show examples

side of

drink

Wrong verb form

drinking

show examples

soft

beverage

Fix the agreement mistake

beverages

show examples

. It is recommended that the public should not attend

Fix the agreement mistake

advertisements

show examples

about useless

drinks

Submitted by usmb91 on Thu Sep 28 2023

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grammar

Improve your grammar - There are numerous grammatical errors crammed in every sentence which is understandable, but it makes the text difficult to follow.

content

Provide more detailed examples - Your arguments need to be solidified with more specific and relevant examples.

structure

Enhance coherence and cohesion - The ideas presented do not flow logically. For example, the abrupt transition between advertising and the concept of a healthy diet in the first body paragraph. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point and everything else within that paragraph relates to it.

vocabulary

Expand your vocabulary - The vocabulary used is very basic and lacks preciseness. There seems to be a limited range of language with the same words and phrases used repetitively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
36Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

249 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions?

Your opinion

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

discuss whether the advantages of nuclear energy energy outweight the potentential risk and environment concern

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?