More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions?

#people #drinks

Nowadays many

people

interested

Add a missing verb

are interested

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

drinking sugar-based

drinks

This

problem

Correct article usage

a problem

show examples

or not,

this

essay will

about

Add a missing verb

be about

show examples

those problems and how to solve

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

issues. There are lots of reasons for

people

drinking sugar-based

drinks

For example

lots of

Fix the agreement mistake

advertisements

show examples

around our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

. We can see many

Change to a plural noun

advertisements

show examples

where

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on where

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street, on TV or between playing some e-game or using mobile applications. If we attend

Fix the agreement mistake

advertisements

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

drink

Fix the agreement mistake

drinks

show examples

, they are very interesting and like enjoyable.

However

, a number of

people

do not know the bad side of those

drinks

. Obviously, advertising of sugary

drinks

by famous

people

causes the interest of their fans. I think

this

procces

Correct your spelling

process

will

increasing

Wrong verb form

increase

show examples

in the future.

In addition

people

must know

healthy

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about healthy

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diet

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diets

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. It

Unnecessary verb

apply

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can save their health and money. Absolutely, these

very

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are very

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important things. Despite some obvious reasons described above, there are several actions that governments could take to solve the problems.

Firstly

, a simple solution would be to educate the

people

about

right

Correct article usage

the right

show examples

drinking

Change the verb form

to drink

show examples

. It can help

decreasing

Wrong verb form

decrease

show examples

count

Correct article usage

the count

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drink

useless sugar-based

beverage

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beverages

show examples

Secondy

Correct your spelling

Secondly

, advertising

usefull

Correct your spelling

useful

drinking for our health by

famous

Add an article

the famous

a famous

show examples

person.

Thirdly

suggestion

Replace the word

suggest

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cheaper good

drinks

for easy buy for every person and everywhere. Some children interested

Change preposition

in drink

show examples

drink

Fix the agreement mistake

drinks

show examples

which

Correct your spelling

with

show examples

beautiful packaging.

Finally

Government have to ban soda

drink

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

school and

kindergarten

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in kindergarten

show examples

. Because especially young children can more

drink

and ill reason. In conclusion,

people

have to understand

bad

Correct article usage

the bad

show examples

side of

drink

Wrong verb form

drinking

show examples

soft

beverage

Fix the agreement mistake

beverages

show examples

. It is recommended that the public should not attend

Fix the agreement mistake

advertisements

show examples

about useless

drinks

Submitted by usmb91 on Thu Sep 28 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar

Improve your grammar - There are numerous grammatical errors crammed in every sentence which is understandable, but it makes the text difficult to follow.

content

Provide more detailed examples - Your arguments need to be solidified with more specific and relevant examples.

structure

Enhance coherence and cohesion - The ideas presented do not flow logically. For example, the abrupt transition between advertising and the concept of a healthy diet in the first body paragraph. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point and everything else within that paragraph relates to it.

vocabulary

Expand your vocabulary - The vocabulary used is very basic and lacks preciseness. There seems to be a limited range of language with the same words and phrases used repetitively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
36Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

249 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions?

Your opinion

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some cities have vehicle-free days, when private cars, trucks, motorcycles are banned in the city center. Public transportation like buses, taxis and metros are advised. To what extent do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Many cities are now turning parks and farmland into new housing developments. Is this a positive or negative development?

It is more important to have a good family than to have friends. Family can always compensate for absence of friendship. To what extent do you agree or disagree?