More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions?

#people #drinks

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Nowadays many

people

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interested

Add a missing verb

are interested

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show examples

drinking sugar-based

drinks

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This

Linking Words

problem

Correct article usage

a problem

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or not,

this

Linking Words

essay will

about

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be about

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those problems and how to solve

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

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issues. There are lots of reasons for

people

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drinking sugar-based

drinks

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For example

Linking Words

lots of

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Fix the agreement mistake

advertisements

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around our

life

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lives

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. We can see many

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Change to a plural noun

advertisements

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where

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on where

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street, on TV or between playing some e-game or using mobile applications. If we attend

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Fix the agreement mistake

advertisements

show examples

Change preposition

for

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Use synonyms

drink

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drinks

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, they are very interesting and like enjoyable.

However

Linking Words

, a number of

people

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do not know the bad side of those

drinks

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. Obviously, advertising of sugary

drinks

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by famous

people

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causes the interest of their fans. I think

this

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procces

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process

will

increasing

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increase

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in the future.

In addition

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people

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must know

healthy

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about healthy

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diet

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diets

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. It

Unnecessary verb

apply

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can save their health and money. Absolutely, these

very

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are very

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important things. Despite some obvious reasons described above, there are several actions that governments could take to solve the problems.

Firstly

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, a simple solution would be to educate the

people

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about

right

Correct article usage

the right

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drinking

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to drink

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. It can help

decreasing

Wrong verb form

decrease

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count

Correct article usage

the count

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drink

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useless sugar-based

beverage

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beverages

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Secondy

Correct your spelling

Secondly

, advertising

usefull

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useful

drinking for our health by

famous

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the famous

a famous

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person.

Thirdly

Linking Words

suggestion

Replace the word

suggest

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cheaper good

drinks

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for easy buy for every person and everywhere. Some children interested

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Change preposition

in drink

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drink

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drinks

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which

Correct your spelling

with

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beautiful packaging.

Finally

Linking Words

Government have to ban soda

drink

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the

Correct article usage

apply

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school and

kindergarten

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in kindergarten

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. Because especially young children can more

drink

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and ill reason. In conclusion,

people

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have to understand

bad

Correct article usage

the bad

show examples

side of

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drink

Wrong verb form

drinking

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soft

beverage

Fix the agreement mistake

beverages

show examples

. It is recommended that the public should not attend

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Fix the agreement mistake

advertisements

show examples

about useless

drinks

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Submitted by usmb91 on Thu Sep 28 2023

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grammar

Improve your grammar - There are numerous grammatical errors crammed in every sentence which is understandable, but it makes the text difficult to follow.

content

Provide more detailed examples - Your arguments need to be solidified with more specific and relevant examples.

structure

Enhance coherence and cohesion - The ideas presented do not flow logically. For example, the abrupt transition between advertising and the concept of a healthy diet in the first body paragraph. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point and everything else within that paragraph relates to it.

vocabulary

Expand your vocabulary - The vocabulary used is very basic and lacks preciseness. There seems to be a limited range of language with the same words and phrases used repetitively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
36
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

249 words

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More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions?

Your opinion

echnology is being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working fora charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children).

Despite health warning,a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world.Why should we be concerned about this ?What solutions would you suggest?

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?