Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which cause many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree with this idea?

Majority

Correct article usage

The majority

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of factories try to produce much

sugars

Fix the agreement mistake

sugar

show examples

in foods and drinks.

Which

Correct pronoun usage

Sugar

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sugar

is harmful

for

Change the preposition

to

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human

health

. In

this

regard, I agree with

this

Correct determiner usage

the

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idea that

sugar

prices must be increased by the seller. The first reason why I agree with

this

idea is that

human’s

Change noun form

human

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health

.

According to

the latest research on

sugar

, high

consumption

of

sugar

has a direct effect on citizen

health

. So the government must take proper action to keep people away from

sugar

by increasing

sugar

price

Fix the agreement mistake

prices

show examples

,

however

This

issue maintains an individual's

health

.

Furthermore

, I advocate that high costs of

sugar

enable

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

to develop their incomes, It will help to pay more attention

in

Change preposition

to

show examples

other fields

for instance

public

educations

Fix the agreement mistake

education

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or most welfare. Not only the incomes of

government

Correct article usage

the government

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will be increased , but

also

Rephrase

apply

show examples

it

has

Wrong verb form

will also have

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significant

Add an article

a significant

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effect on public satisfaction.

Last

but not least, Nowadays majority of

budget

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the budget

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is expanding on human remedies and

health

care. The source of diseases can be

sugar

,

for

example

Add the comma(s)

,example

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blood

sugar

. In order to decrease

of

Change preposition

apply

show examples

these types of expenses it would be better to impose higher

tax

Fix the agreement mistake

taxes

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for

consumption

control.

However

, governments are not dealing with hospital

center

Change the spelling

centre

show examples

problems. In summary,

although

some people think that

consumption

of

sugar

is enjoyable. I would argue,

not

Correct word choice

that not

show examples

only

sugar

consumption

is harmful

for

Change the preposition

to

show examples

human

health

, but

also

it takes a significant budget

for

Change preposition

to

show examples

remedy. In order to decrease

sugar

consumption

, it is vital to increase

sugar

price

Fix the agreement mistake

prices

show examples

as soon as possible.

This

is why I think high costs

for

Change preposition

of

show examples

sugar

is

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

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acceptable.