Some people think a simple lifestyle can preserve the environment, while others argue that technology itself can solve it . Discuss both views and give your opinions

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while
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one part of the population considers life without technology to be better, the other part sees the advantage. I will discuss both views and give my opinion in upcoming paragraphs. Some communities think that
automation
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has bad effects on human growth. Human are more dependent on technology which affects their health and human connections. In earlier times farmers used to cut their harvest and other products with the help of other people but now they can do everything with machines.
Moreover
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, people do not spend quality hours with their loved ones.
For example
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when the masses have spare time they love to play video games and watch their favourite TV Shows. On the other part of population thinks that
automation
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makes human life easier. Now they can communicate with people who live far away from them.
Automation
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helps the population to save moments
for example
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by cleaning the roads within a few hours which labour takes a long time.
However
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, with the help of ,technology we can do heavy lifting by machines which is not easy for human beings. In conclusion, I believe that with the help of ,machinery our life is easier and more productive. Human connection can be affected if they do not use
automation
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in the right way.
Submitted by sp1807999 on

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introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is quite brief, and while it signals what the essay will discuss, it would benefit from being expanded to include a clearer thesis statement that outlines your main points.
logical structure
Try to use more transitional phrases and connectors to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, "Firstly," "In addition," "On the other hand," etc. This helps guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
complete response
You have addressed both sides of the argument quite well, providing examples to support each view. This shows a good grasp of the task requirements.
clear comprehensive ideas
The examples provided, such as how farmers previously relied on manpower and now use machines, add relevance and specificity to your points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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