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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar graph illustrates the change in the percentage of university graduates from several universities in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006.

The bar graph illustrates the change in the percentage of university graduates from several universities in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006.
#bar #change #percentage #university #graduates #universities #canadian #provinces
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The chart provides the percentage of graduated international students in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
 the all international graduates
are
Verb problem
has
show examples
 increased, but, some of them rapidly
rise
Wrong verb form
rising
show examples
. It is noticeable that graduates from New
Brunswick
Use synonyms
 were more demanded than other universities between 2001 and 2006. Over the years New
Brunswick
Use synonyms
 kept at the highest level.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
Ontario
Use synonyms
which is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 less
demanded
Replace the word
demand
show examples
all years
Fix the agreement mistake
every year
show examples
. In 2001 New
Brunswick
Use synonyms
 had 7% international students,
at
Correct word choice
and at
show examples
 the same time
Ontario
Use synonyms
 had only 3%.
by
Capitalize word
By
show examples
 2006 New
Brunswick
Use synonyms
 had 12% and
Ontario
Use synonyms
 had only 6%.New
Use synonyms
Brunswick
Add a verb
Brunswick is
Brunswick was
show examples
 popular among international students,
therefore
Linking Words
 it rapidly
rise
Change the verb form
rises
show examples
 for 5 years.
Ontario
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
a
Add a missing verb
had a
show examples
considerable increase, but, not much like other universities. Nova Scotia and British Columbia share second place
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because both of them have 10,5%.
On the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 third place is located Quebec with 8%. Alberta is
little
Add an article
a little
show examples
 bit behind
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Quebec with 6,5%. Manitoba, Newfoundland and Labrador
slightly
Add a missing verb
are slightly
show examples
 ahead of
Ontario
Use synonyms
. They have 6%
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their peak.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words brunswick, ontario with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 2 times.
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