Some people think that a high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that a good working atmosphere is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
High
salary
or good working atmosphere? What will you choose? On
my point of Change preposition
In
view
there should be a balance between Add a comma
view,
this
conditions. When your Correct determiner usage
these
salary
is not enough to live normal
life obviously Correct article usage
a normal
great
working atmosphere would not help you with that. Correct article usage
a great
Despite
, a lot of money can't help you to get over everyday stress Correct pronoun usage
Despite this
on
Change preposition
in
a
workplace. But sometimes there is no option to choose and you have to deal with what you get. In Correct article usage
the
this
case
my choice is a high Add a comma
case,
salary
. I have enough experiance
to deal with Correct your spelling
experience
stressfull
situations. I have been learning different Correct your spelling
stressful
phsyhological
tips for a long period of time so I can work in different work conditions. Correct your spelling
psychological
physiological
Although
, living in Ukraine showed us which things are really important. Moreover
, I believe that I have a
power to leave work Change the article
the
on
Change preposition
in
a
workplace and Correct article usage
the
do
not think about it at home. Unnecessary verb
apply
On the other hand
, you can't get all money
Correct article usage
the money
of
the world, so maybe it is better to live your normal everyday life without stress in a good and pleasant atmosphere. As I mentioned before, Change preposition
in
ukrainians
Change the capitalization
Ukrainians
faced
a lot of stress in their everyday life. We spend a lot of time Wrong verb form
face
on
our workplace, for sure it influences Change preposition
in
on
our mental health. But as far as I Change preposition
apply
remeber
financial independence is one of the basic needs of every person. Correct your spelling
remember
To sum up
, try to find a place where you will be happy: the salary
will be high enough and your partners will be the best people on the Earth. However
, you can create your dream team!Submitted by helgavitalivna on
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introduction
To improve your score, consider adding a clear introductory paragraph that explicitly presents the two views being discussed before diving into your personal opinion. This structures your essay clearly from the beginning.
sentence structure
Incorporate more varied and complex sentence structures to enhance the flow and cohesion of your essay. This could involve using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences strategically.
examples
While you provided examples from your life and broader societal contexts, incorporating a wider range of specific, detailed examples to support your points could strengthen your argument further.
conclusion
Consider closing your essay with a more definitive conclusion that summarizes the discussed views and your stance in a succinct manner. It reinforces the essay's message and aids in cohesion.
task response
Your essay provides a balanced view on the importance of salary versus working atmosphere, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
examples
You effectively used personal and societal examples to illustrate your points, showing an ability to relate abstract concepts to real-world scenarios.
personal opinion
Your expression of personal experience and opinion adds a unique perspective to the essay, engaging the reader.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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