IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

The bar chart illusturates the percetages of men and women employment in three different countries;Canada,South Korea and Sweden between the years 2005 and 2015.

#bar #illusturates #percetages #men #women #employment #three #countries #canada #korea #sweden #years
The bar
chart
illusturates
Correct your spelling
illustrates
 the
percetages
Correct your spelling
percentage
percentages
 of
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 and
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
employment
 in three different countries;Canada,South Korea and
Sweden
 between the years 2005 and 2015.In
general
Add a comma
,general
show examples
 we can see that the percentages of working people
icreased
Correct your spelling
increased
 with the
prpotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
promotion
 of women showing the most significant rise. It’s
cristal
Correct your spelling
crystal
show examples
 clear that in the first
graph
Add a comma
,graph
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
male
employment
 in
Canda
Correct your spelling
Canada
show examples
 was almost %60 and it was the lowest
employment
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
 in 2005
im
Correct your spelling
in
males
Correct article usage
the males
show examples
chart
.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 in
Sweden
 and
Soth
Correct your spelling
South
show examples
Korea
Add a comma
,Korea
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 were
aproximently
Correct your spelling
approximately
 between 70-80
percantages
Correct your spelling
per cent
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 males. The data shows us the
females
Change to a genitive case
female's
females'
show examples
chart
 always have a
fluctuatoion
Correct your spelling
fluctuation
 in 2005.
Takin
Correct your spelling
Taking
show examples
 a closer look at the second
chart
 there were a
fluctiation
Correct your spelling
fluctuation
 too,in both males and females. In
canada
Change the capitalization
Canada
show examples
 and
sweden
Change the capitalization
Sweden
show examples
 females
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 almost %50 but in South koreamthere were almost 30
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
in addition
 to
this
, Canada and
Sweden
almost
Add a missing verb
had almost
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 at maleshowever South
korea
Change the capitalization
Korea
show examples
 had the highest
employment
 rates in 2015. Taking everything into
accont
Correct your spelling
account
 the major
diffarance
Correct your spelling
difference
differences
 between the 3 countries,each county
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 different percentages in 2005 and 2015.
Submitted by haticecoza on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: