As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children's social behaviour and that of adults? To what extent are the changes that take place good?

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When
kids
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grow up and become a teenager their
attudie
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attitude
and personality somehow change. There are a lot of differences between young and adult
child
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children
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from
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in
show examples
the way they speak, act and react
with
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to
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people. On the one hand, when it comes to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
kids
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they are natural in
communication
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. They usually never hide their emotional expression and they communicate with their family all the time.
For instance
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, my niece
she
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who
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is eight years old
she
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apply
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always
chat
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chats
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with me about random adorable things.
Moreover
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, she
like
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likes
show examples
to tell her parents about everything
happened
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that happened
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in her day. She is smooth in
communication
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and everything she
think
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thinks
show examples
about
Add a missing verb
is immeditely
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immeditely
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immediately
she
say
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says
show examples
it.
On the other hand
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, teenagers lack
in
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apply
show examples
communication
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and they usually have mood swings. When
kids
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grow up their hormones change which
effect
Verb problem
affects
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their mood and behaviour in
communication
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.
For example
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, my nephew
are
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is
show examples
15 years old, he always
like
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likes
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to do stuff
at
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on
show examples
his own and he
don’t
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doesn’t
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like to communicate much with his family.
Moreover
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, he always
get
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gets
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angry when someone
advice
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advises
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him or
try
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tries
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to control him. His mood
change
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changes
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every few hours. His family can’t figure out what he
think
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thinks
show examples
of because he always
try
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tries
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to hide his emotions.
To conclude
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, I really believe that teenagers are the
worest
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worst
period of life. Family should teach their
kids
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manners at
early
Add an article
an early
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age to make them behave
greatly
Rephrase
well
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in the future.
Submitted by mneeraaljalahma on

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task response
The essay partially addresses the given task by discussing the differences between young children's social behavior and that of adults. However, the content lacks depth and fails to provide a comprehensive comparison or exploration of the extent to which the changes are good. It is important to cover all aspects of the prompt and support the ideas with specific examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a weak logical structure, with ideas presented in a disorganized manner. The lack of clear introduction and conclusion affects the overall coherence of the essay. To improve, focus on organizing the essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences, supporting details, and a concluding summary.

Your opinion

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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