IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

More and more people in the city live in homes with small spaces or no outdoor areas. Do you think it is negative or positive development?

#people #city #homes #spaces #areas #development
Lots of individuals these days reside in small space home or dwells with no outdoor area. In my ,opinion
this
 is a negative development. living in a small space leads to congestion and invites health problems like breathing disorders, irritability and so on as there is no air or ventilation . life
also
 becomes tedious if humans live in these areas. First and foremost, urban areas are expanding day by day. but dwelling sizes are shrinking .
Moreover
, facilities like balconies
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and patios are not provided in the majority of construction. most people are forced to live in small flats with no amenities.
For example
, in India, Mumbai has an average dwelling size of 650 square feet with no ventilation. living in
such
 dreadful conditions leads to severe health problems like breathing issues, irritability and so on. In my ,opinion
that is
 a negative development.
Furthermore
, Most dwellers have to compromise on the happiness of living . Their lives became mundane . They can not enjoy bright sunlight, or air in their homes. They have to compromise with living conditions.To cite an example,In the US , New York has a limited supply of ventilated flats . Most New Yorkers are forced to inhabit small flats.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think living in small-sized areas is a negative elevation. In conclusion ,
Although
 city life offers better opportunities,still most urbanites are forced to live in unlivable conditions. In my ,opinion it is a negative development.inhabits must be ventilated and provide some kind of open space like a patio or balcony.
Submitted by yash334 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay shows a reasonable understanding of the topic and attempts to address the task, but the ideas are not fully developed.
coherence cohesion
The essay has some logical progression of ideas, but the introduction and conclusion are weak. Cohesive devices are used, but more effective use of transitional phrases is needed for better coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: