The diagram below shows the stages in processing cocoa beans.

#stages #cocoa #beans

The diagram illustrates the stages in how three

cocoa

products

are created from the whole beans.

Overall

, the process includes three main stages

commences

Wrong verb form

commencing

show examples

with collecting raw ingredients and culminating in delivering

products

to the consumer and providing

cocoa

liquor

to the industry.

Firstly

, the ripe pods are harvested and

then

they are broken to remove their shells.Once the beans are collected, they are dried in order to eliminate the moisture inside and through pressing steps, the

cocoa

liquor

is formed.

After

this

point, the

cocoa

liquor

is processed in two ways. In the first method of processing, the former product goes through a

further

pressing period so that the

cocoa

cake is produced.

Cocoa

cake continues to be grind and two final

products

are generated.

Cocoa

powder, which is delivered to the consumer and

cocoa

liquor

, a primary ingredient to make cakes and drinks in the chocolate industry. In the second method, the initial

cocoa

liquor

further

refined and created industrial chocolate. At the same time, sugar is added, the finished chocolate

products

are formed after the final processing step and

this

is consumed by people afterwards.

Submitted by ieltsamiedu on Sun Oct 01 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words cocoa, products, liquor with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

188 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The diagram below shows the stages in processing cocoa beans.

Nowadays, many families move overseas for job opportunities. Some people think that this is beneficial for the children of these families while others think children will find it difficult. Discuss both views and give your own

Some people like to try new things, for example, places to visit and types of food. Other people prefer to keep doing things they are familiar with. Discuss both these attitudes and give your own opinion.

In some countries, many people choose to educate children at home by themselves instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extend do you agree or disagree withs this statement?