The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweigh people in society? How can this problem be solved?
The amount of folks who are risking and threatening their lives by being overweight is growing day by day. In
this
Linking Words
essay
I will argue the causes of Add a comma
,essay
this
situation Linking Words
and
how to solve it and how to reduce the amount.
Correct word choice
apply
Although
Linking Words
that
sometimes obesity can be genetic or hormonal,it can Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
occur Linking Words
due to
many factors, Linking Words
firstly
Linking Words
is
having a poor healthy lifestyle, Unnecessary verb
apply
for example
, in the United States the diet of most people Linking Words
there
is loaded with high calories.Rephrase
apply
Secondly
,Linking Words
is
not exercising enough, the amount of hours you Unnecessary verb
apply
spent
in frontWrong verb form
spend
a
screen without moving your body a bit can lead to obesity.Change preposition
of a
Thirdly
is age, fatness can happen at any age.But as you age, the number of muscles in your body Linking Words
lean to decrease
, so Verb problem
decreases
this
Linking Words
cause
you to be less active and not move a lot.Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
Linking Words
Also
many other factors can cause fatness Add a comma
,Also
such
as lack of sleep,stress and pregnancy.
The solution for being overweight can account Linking Words
in
multiple aspects, first,
Having a healthy gut and a healthy diet,and Change preposition
for
Linking Words
that
is by choosing to eat healthy foods,Correct pronoun usage
apply
For Instance
fruits,vegetables and healthful fats,second is limiting invalid and unhealthy foods Linking Words
such
as sweets,sugary drinks and junk food. Third is increasing physical activity and Linking Words
that is
by including walking,swimming and bicycling into your daily routine.
Linking Words
To conclude
,obesity can damage one’s life,you may not be able to enjoy all the physical activities you used to enjoy,Linking Words
you
may even start to avoid public places and become insecure.Correct word choice
and you
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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, instead of saying 'people there is loaded with high calories', you could give specific examples of high-caloric foods that are commonly consumed.
lexical resource
Try to use a more formal tone in your writing. Avoid using colloquial language such as 'folks' and slang phrases.
coherence cohesion
Structure your essay more effectively, and ensure that the introduction and conclusion are more elaborative and conclusive for the reader.
task achievement
Increase the clarity of your ideas. Some of the points were somewhat vague. For instance, when you talked about a 'healthy gut', it wasn't clear exactly what you were referring to. Do you mean a balanced diet?
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.