IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

some people think that schools should focus on academic subjects like algebra, history, and physics, but others think that schools should spent time focusing on practical skills like time management and banking. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #schools #focus #subjects #algebra #history #physics #time #skills #management
Current
Correct article usage
The current
show examples
 education system
include
Change the verb form
includes
show examples
 several various fields that allow
students
 to move forward in their adult life depending on their interests.
Nevertheless
, there are different opinions about the application of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education,
consist
Wrong verb form
consisting
show examples
 of
theorotical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
 and practical
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
. In
this
 essay, I will argue both thoughts and I will outline why spending
time
 on academic subjects
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 moderately more important for
students
. In schools,
students
 more often than not focus on courses that include
theorotical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
 mathematics, physics, biology and history.
Although
 there is a possibility for
students
 to struggle
while
 learning
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 technical
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
, terminology and utility of science obviously improve their brain development and general knowledge, which is extremely beneficial for their thinking process; able to see from a different perspective and make decisions in their adult life.
On the other hand
,
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 side
suggest
Change the verb form
suggests
show examples
 student should get qualified in terms of practical experiences rather than
theoroticals
Correct your spelling
theoretical
. An important point of view is,
even
Correct word choice
that even
show examples
 though most children
are spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
time
 on scientific objects, sometimes they struggle to integrate
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 learning into their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Therefore
, giving a hand to
students
 in order to practice skills concentrated on finance and
time
 management
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 crucial.
For instance
, some schools have selective courses that consist of projects and them to run an imaginary business and
adapting
Wrong verb form
adapt
show examples
 them into banking in terms of revenues, costs and running errands. In conclusion, there are several opinions regards to teaching
students
 relying on
academical
Replace the word
academic
show examples
 and practical knowledge, who will be the doctors, constructors or maybe
housewifes
Correct your spelling
housewives
 of
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
.
This
 essay outlined education from different
aspecs
Correct your spelling
aspects
 and explained that spending
time
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 academia could be more useful because of the alterations and improvements
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their brain
while
 learning science.
Submitted by airbender on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: