IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Television has diminished the free time of people. It can make people lazy and not socialize with others. Do you agree or disagree?

#television #time #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Media has made its way into our lives which has reduced the public's spare time.
However
Linking Words
, whether it makes a contribution to the isolation of people has been a matter of debate. I reckon television is the primary factor leading to losing touch among the community. The first and foremost disadvantage is to decrease people's communication skills which is essential for socializing.
While
Linking Words
 watching
Use synonyms
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
, not only audience are not willing to talk with each other, but
also
Linking Words
 they are unable to interact with the program.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they are highly likely to suffer from
communicational
Replace the word
communication
show examples
 disorders.
For example
Linking Words
, when the breadwinner comes back home,
instead
Linking Words
 of having fun with his family, they turn to a
Use synonyms
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 program for hours without talking.
As a result
Linking Words
, they forget how to get on well with each other and the family members drift apart gradually.
Moreover
Linking Words
, since watching
Use synonyms
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 programs has become an achievement for society, they have no interest in anything but following up on the programs. Some of these materials are a deliberate production of a high-profile
film-maker
Correct your spelling
filmmaker
show examples
, with a great plot and main character.
Therefore
Linking Words
, thanks to the public intention for actors, they are highly likely to get used to spending their leisure time watching these productions.
For instance
Linking Words
, if teenagers get used to watching
Use synonyms
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
, they become out of condition.
Consequently
Linking Words
, as any outdoor activity turns out problematic to them, they become lazy day by day. In conclusion, television has adversely impacted society. Its main drawbacks are provoking communicational disorders which leads to isolation in the community
besides
Linking Words
 providing the public with an ineffective life ambition that makes them lazy.
Submitted by AUser on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction.
task achievement
Expand on your points and provide more specific examples to support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: