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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart below show the energy consumption and sources of energy of several areas of the world

The pie chart below show the energy consumption and sources of energy of several areas of the world
The pie chart below illustrates the
energy
Use synonyms
 usage in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Use synonyms
states
Capitalize word
States
show examples
,
Europe
Use synonyms
 and
China
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the information provided, it shows that
Europe
Use synonyms
 countries mostly use
oil
Use synonyms
 as
Use synonyms
source
Add an article
a source
show examples
 of
energy
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
China
Use synonyms
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on
gas
Use synonyms
 as
Use synonyms
source
Add an article
a source
the source
show examples
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 the most. Meanwhile,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Use synonyms
states
Capitalize word
States
show examples
 uses
Oil
Use synonyms
 and
gas
Use synonyms
 as
Use synonyms
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of power. If we look more closely, we can see that the pie chart shows that almost 46% of
oil
Use synonyms
used
Add a missing verb
is used
show examples
 in
Europe
Use synonyms
 countries and only 2% of
oil
Use synonyms
used
Add a missing verb
is used
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
China
Use synonyms
consume
Change the verb form
consumes
show examples
 roughly 79% of
gas
Use synonyms
 for
energy
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
Europe
Use synonyms
 uses almost 18% of
gas
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Use synonyms
states
Capitalize word
States
show examples
 depend
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 both sources of
energy
Use synonyms
Oil
Use synonyms
 almost 40% and 26% of
Gas
Use synonyms
. To summarize,
this
Linking Words
 chart shows that
oil
Use synonyms
 is the most popular
source
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Use synonyms
states
Capitalize word
States
show examples
 and
Europe
Use synonyms
. But, when it comes to
China
Use synonyms
 they focus on
Gas
Use synonyms
 as
Use synonyms
source
Add an article
a source
show examples
 of
enegry
Correct your spelling
energy
 the most.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, states, europe, china, oil, source, gas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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