IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people regard video games as useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

#people #video #games #tool #videos #effect
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Nowadays, some people believe that
video
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games
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 are useful as an educational tool,
while
Linking Words
 others think that the drawbacks of playing these kinds of
games
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 are more. Personally, I believe that there are more disadvantages
of
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to
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 engaging with
video
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games
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. I will explain my reasons in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, spending so much time on
video
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games
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lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 the kids to become conditional. What I mean by
this
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, children who play so many computer
games
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 do not study enough, unless they
encourage
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are encouraged
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 by
video
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games
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.
Consequently
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, it has negative effects on their educational level as they engage more
on
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in
show examples
 the playing parts rather than the study sectors.
On the other hand
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, spending so much time on
computer
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the computer
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 playing
games
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, not only leads to physical problems
,
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apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 causes mental issues.
Furthermore
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, researchers found out that children who play more virtual
games
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 are more violent
among
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than
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 others and they will have more health issues in the future.
For instance
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, my sister's friend used to play so many
video
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games
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 when she was a child and not only she wore glasses and
had
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have
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 to do
an
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apply
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eye surgery, but
also
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 she had so much violence toward others and had to use some pills in order to control her
behaviors
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behaviours
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.
Last
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 but not least,
psychologicaly
Correct your spelling
psychologically
psychological
 speaking, when children have
unlimitted
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unlimited
 access to these kinds of
games
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, is hard to
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
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 them of not playing all kinds of
games
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. To some extent, in some
cases
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,cases
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 they try to copy the character's behavior which some of them are not appropriate. In conclusion, the increased use of
video
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games
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 should be
viewd
Correct your spelling
viewed
 as a negative development and should be controlled more by families in order to have
healthier
Add an article
a healthier
show examples
 society.
Submitted by parvane_ava on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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