IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Protecting the Environment is the responsibility of the government. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. Write at least 250 words

#minutes #environment #responsibility #government #support
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 some citizens think that saving the
eco - system
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
show examples
 is the responsibility of the
government
, I totally disagree with
this
 notion. I strongly believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the main reason for destroying the
environment
 is human activity, and nothing else.
Therefore
, as citizens, we are unable to point out the
government
's failure to protect our
environment
. We all benefit from our surrounding
environment
, not only the
government
. Humans are the most dangerous enemy of the
environment
, so as humans, it is our responsibility to protect the
environment
, not the
government
's. From the first breath we take into the
environment
 until we die, we get more and more benefits from it. But we do not do anything as a gift to the
environment
.
Instead
,
due to
 our
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
day
 by
day
, our natural
resources
 are going to decline. If the governments in all of the countries in the world apply many laws to
survive
Verb problem
save
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
resources
as well as
 minimize the dangerous activities that might destroy the
environment
, it will not work. because most of the citizens in the world do not obey the rules, violate the rules and regulations, and live without thinking about their
kids
Change noun form
kid's
kids'
show examples
 future.
Furthermore
, we have more needs,
therefore
, we use natural
resources
 without thinking that one
day
 they will show wear and tear. We add waste products to the air
as well as
 to the water
as a result
 of some synthetic products. Not only that,
day
 by
day
, people increase the amount of area that belongs to the forests,
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good friend of the
environment
 for their 'never-ending needs. If the
government
spent
Wrong verb form
spends
show examples
 tax money to protect the
environment
,
that is
 not enough.
Finally
, I would like
to conclude
 that, only the
government
 has the responsibility to protect the
environment
lonly
Correct your spelling
alone
, as a public, we all touch our hands together to protect our natural
resources
, fresh air, and pure water for our future. If not, humans will disappear from the earth not so far away.
Submitted by subha.mri on

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task achievement
Develop a stronger thesis statement that clearly outlines your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
lexical resource
Use a more varied range of vocabulary to improve your Lexical Resource score.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay closer attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve your Grammatical Range and Accuracy score.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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