IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Investment on digital games in the United States and China from 2010 and 2017

#investment #games #states #china
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The bar
chat
Use synonyms
 gives information about the investment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 digital games in the United States and China from 2010 and 2017 and the pie
chat
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 presents the expenditure globally of those games in 2017.
According to
Linking Words
 the bar
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chat
Correct your spelling
chart
show examples
, the high spending was done in 2017,
where
Correct word choice
when
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 China realized the highest investment with 27
million
Use synonyms
of
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apply
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dollars
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 roughly.
In
Change preposition
This
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this
Linking Words
 year the USA
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
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proximally
Replace the word
approximately
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 25
million
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 digital games. A similarity was observed in 2016 for both countries, with a total of 24
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars
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. Another important data found in
this
Linking Words
 bar
chat
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 is
show
Change the form of the verb
shown
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 in the year 2010 with the lowest budgets. In
this
Linking Words
 case, the USA realized the investment of 17
million
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars
Use synonyms
 and China just 7
million
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. It is
also
Linking Words
 observed in
this
Linking Words
 data a difference
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 spending among both counties with 10
million
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars
Use synonyms
. The pie chart
show
Change the verb form
shows
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 that during 2017, the highest spending worldwide was realized on mobiles with $46.1 BN, which represents
the
Correct article usage
apply
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42% of
total
Add an article
the total
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.
Also
Linking Words
 reflects
a
Remove the article
apply
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spending of 33.5 BN on console and 29.4 BN on PC,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 represents
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
31 % and 27 % respectively.
Submitted by adibaerfan2 on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clear overall introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Expand on the main points and provide more specific examples.
lexical resource
Use more precise language and avoid repetition.
grammatical range accuracy
Improve sentence structure and grammar accuracy.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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