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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two pie charts below show the marital status of the populations of Canda and Australia.

The two pie charts below show the marital status of the populations of Canda and Australia.
#two #show #status #populations #canda #australia
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The pie graphs compare how the information about the matrimonial conditions of
people
Use synonyms
 in 2000 changed in two different countries.
Overall
Linking Words
 it can be seen that the highest proportion of the
population
Use synonyms
 witnessed married in
Australia
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 unmarried statistics experienced the largest percentage in
Canada
Use synonyms
 among the total
population
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a few
people
Use synonyms
 witnessed homosexual relationships in
Australia
Use synonyms
. Looking at the data sets in
Australia
Use synonyms
 in more detail
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
population
Use synonyms
 who were married showed the highest figure, at 53% among all evidence.
In addition
Linking Words
, 29% of
single
Add an article
the single
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 gained the second position in
Australia
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
Canada
Use synonyms
 underwent the greatest place in
this
Linking Words
 section.
While
Linking Words
 the widowed and separated proportion accounted for
constant
Correct article usage
a constant
show examples
 rate in
this
Linking Words
 country at 7%. The percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who were living separately without
divorced
Replace the word
divorce
show examples
 represented 3% and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
same sex marriage
depicted
Verb problem
represented
show examples
 only 1%. Turning to the information sets in
Canada
Use synonyms
 in detail it is evident that 46 per cent of
people
Use synonyms
 stayed unmarried in their whole life which experienced the maximum amount in
Canada
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, legally married
people
Use synonyms
 stood at 41% which was comparatively less than the Australian figure. In the pie figure, 5% and 6% of
people
Use synonyms
 were widowed and divorced respectively in
Canada
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, 2%
population
Use synonyms
 lived separately
however
Linking Words
 they were lawfully married.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, whereas".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, population, australia, canada with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "sets" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • marital status
  • population
  • pie chart
  • single
  • married
  • separated
  • divorced
  • widowed
  • demographics
  • cultural norms
  • social factors
  • economic influences
  • age distribution
  • prevalence
  • percentage
  • comparison
  • statistics
  • social policy
  • rate of separation
  • trends
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