IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Present a case arguing either for or against the following statement: Training for work is far more important than providing a broad-based education. You should use your own ideas and experience and support your argument with examples.

#case #work #education #support #argument
Nowadays,
work
 practices
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more valuable than extensive
education
. I believe that training for
work
 can make the employee ready for a specific
role
 at
work
.
To begin
 with, many people think that broad-based
education
 is the most important factor to succeed in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 future career. The reality it is not important
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
 practice in the actual workspaces and have real experiences.
For instance
, I
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 my
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
 and master’s
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 in Graphic
Design
 I
work
 at
Bahrain
TV
Nowadays
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. I saw that there are
way
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 differences between
things
Correct article usage
the things
show examples
 that I studied and the actual
work
 in
workspace
Add an article
the workspace
a workspace
show examples
.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the beginning, I didn’t know how to do the tasks
succesfully
Correct your spelling
successfully
, until
Bahrain
TV
provide
Wrong verb form
provided
show examples
 me training course which made me now
experts
Fix the agreement mistake
expert
show examples
 in my
role
.
However
, I can not deny the importance of
education
, but real job practices can make someone
Correct article usage
an experts
show examples
experts
Fix the agreement mistake
expert
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
Correct article usage
a higer
show examples
higer
Correct your spelling
higher
 level. When we went to college we
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a lot of
subject
Change to a plural noun
subjects
show examples
 we didn’t focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 specific
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
.
For example
, In my
college
Add a comma
,college
show examples
 I studied Typography, Editorial, Icon
design
 and Web
design
.
This
made
Verb problem
gave
show examples
 me
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a basic experience
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 every subject.
However
, at the moment I
work
 in
Bahrain
TV
 my
role
was to
Verb problem
is
show examples
work
 specifically for Icon and Logo
design
 for Television.
This
 was difficult for me at
first,
because I
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 to
work
 in different media and
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
 which I didn’t practice at the university.
Therefore
, the training course at
Bahrain
TV
 helped me
succeded
Correct your spelling
succeed
show examples
 in my
role
 as
Logo
Correct article usage
a Logo
show examples
 designer at television.
To conclude
, In my
opininon
Correct your spelling
opinion
 practice course at any organization is more important than
education
 itself.
Submitted by mneeraaljalahma on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to clearly state your position on the topic.
task achievement
Include more specific details and examples to support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Consider expanding your conclusion to summarize your main points and provide a stronger overall stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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