IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the number of houses built per year in two cities, Derby and Nottingham, Between 2000 and 2009

The bar chart below shows the number of houses built per year in two cities, Derby and Nottingham, Between 2000 and 2009
#bar #houses #year #two #cities #derby #nottingham
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The graphic charts above
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of new houses in almost a decade from 2000 to 2009 in Derby and Nottingham. It's clear that in 2009, both two cities reached its peak of their highest
number
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, every
cities
Change to a singular noun
city
show examples
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 different trends
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each
year
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
 we will talk about Derby. The
number
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 city shows
gradual
Correct article usage
a gradual
show examples
 increase as per
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
year
Use synonyms
. It
starting
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 from below 50
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 in 2000 and in 2003 it escalated the growth
number
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 above 100 and kept stable until 2007.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it
shows
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
significantly
Change the word
significant
show examples
 increases in 2008 by approximately
above
Change preposition
apply
show examples
250 and it kept growing until reached almost 350 in 2009.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in Nottingham, it's pretty much different from Derby. The proportion in each
year
Use synonyms
 is very fluctuative. In early 2000, Nottingham only reached above 50,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 it didn't grow and eventually dropped below 30 in 2002. Next
year
Use synonyms
, it
shows
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
Correct article usage
a slightly
show examples
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
 improvement in 2003 by approximately 50 and
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
continue
Add the particle
tocontinue
show examples
 grow until 2005 before it decreased extremely in 2006
nearly
Change preposition
to nearly
show examples
 0. It came back stronger in 2007 by around 200 and dropped dead again
nearly
Change preposition
to nearly
show examples
 zero in 2008.
Submitted by matcha on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart
  • number of houses built
  • per year
  • cities
  • Derby
  • Nottingham
  • between
  • comparison
  • 10-year period
  • year-wise
  • analyze
  • compare
  • total
  • over
  • closing statement
  • introduction
  • overview
  • summarize
  • main points
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