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Band 5.5

Some people think that young people should spend free time with families instead of outside entertainment, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #time #families #entertainment
In modern life,
people
 have various
activities
 to do in their leisure
time
. There is an
opinion
 that it is better for the youth to spend more
time
 with their families in their free
time
instead
 of spending
time
 outside.
However
, other
people
 do not agree with
this
point
 of
view
.
This
 essay will
point
 out the arguments which support both sides of
view
 and give my personal
opinion
.
Firstly
, there is an undeniable fact that supports
people
 who prefer to spend more
time
 with their families. That fact is that family is extremely important to everyone. So, it is essential to understand our family. The more
time
people
 spend with their family, the more sympathetic they can be. They can know the difficulties of their family and give suitable solutions.
Moreover
,
people
 can
also
 use their leisure
time
 to help their parents do housework.
For example
, there is an increasing number of Vietnamese young
people
 claiming that they wish they could have more
time
 to understand their parents
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and help their parents.
That is
 because families are important to them, and they do not want to have any regrets. Turning to the group with the opposite
point
 of
view
, there are still some features which support their
opinion
. There are various benefits when
people
 spend more
time
 participating in outdoor
activities
. The first one is that outside entertainment can help them expand their social network.
People
 can make new friends
while
 participating in those
activities
 in their free
time
.
Furthermore
, those
activities
 can help them gain more soft skills, which are really essential. The reality shows that children in Europe have more experience and soft skills than children in Asia because they have more chances to participate in outdoor
activities
 in their leisure
time
. So, spending more
time
 outside is
also
 important. From my
point
 of
view
, I prefer to have more free
time
 with my family
instead
 of hanging out. Because family is the most important to me. I do not want to have any regrets in the future because I do not spend enough
time
 with my family. In conclusion, those two groups of
opinion
 have their undeniable supporting features. It dues to the tradition of their country.
Submitted by minhthao1205 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your ideas are well-structured and organized.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bond
  • relationship
  • communication
  • experience
  • learn
  • opportunity
  • exposure
  • culture
  • perspective
  • development
  • interest
  • skill
  • socialize
  • peer
  • broaden
  • horizon
  • opinion
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