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Band 2.5

The expenses in 7 different categories in 1966 and 1996 by American Citizens

#expenses #categories #american #citizens
The two pie charts compare the expenses of US residents in two different years in seven categories from 1966 to 1996. The data is calibrated in percentage.
Overall
, expenses on cars,
restaurant
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restaurants
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, and computers revealed a positive trend,
however
, expenses on remaining items showed a decrease in
given
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a given
the given
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 period.
It is clear that
 the largest ratio of American
citizens
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citizen's
citizens'
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 spending went on
foods
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food
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 and cars.
On the other hand
,
computer
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computers
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 and books had the lowest percentage, in the chart in 1966 and 1996 respectively.
However
, the percentage
foricar
Correct your spelling
forecast
for car
 rose to nearly double at 45% in 1996.
Whereas
, the proportion of spending on food tel from 44% in 1966 to only 14% in 1996. The drastic change was seen for computers it stood at only one
percent
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per cent
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 in 1966 but reached 10% in 1996. There was a two-fold increase in restaurant spending by American citizens, from 7% in 1966 to 14% in 1996,
Whereas
, a significant decrease was seen for
books
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book
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purchasing
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purchases
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. Surprisingly, over a period there was no marked change in the ratio of petrol and furniture
Submitted by @ur_davrik on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction should include a clearer statement about what the pie charts are comparing.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is not present in the essay. Please provide a conclusion summarizing the main points of the comparison.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support the points made.
task achievement
The response is not complete as it does not fully address the task prompt. Additionally, there are some inaccuracies in describing the data.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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