The expenses in 7 different categories in 1966 and 1996 by American Citizens

#expenses #categories #american #citizens

The two pie charts compare the expenses of US residents in two different years in seven categories from 1966 to 1996. The data is calibrated in percentage.

Overall

, expenses on cars,

restaurant

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restaurants

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, and computers revealed a positive trend,

however

, expenses on remaining items showed a decrease in

given

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a given

the given

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period.

It is clear that

the largest ratio of American

citizens

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citizen's

citizens'

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spending went on

foods

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food

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and cars.

On the other hand

computer

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computers

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and books had the lowest percentage, in the chart in 1966 and 1996 respectively.

However

, the percentage

foricar

Correct your spelling

forecast

for car

rose to nearly double at 45% in 1996.

Whereas

, the proportion of spending on food tel from 44% in 1966 to only 14% in 1996. The drastic change was seen for computers it stood at only one

percent

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per cent

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in 1966 but reached 10% in 1996. There was a two-fold increase in restaurant spending by American citizens, from 7% in 1966 to 14% in 1996,

Whereas

, a significant decrease was seen for

books

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book

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purchasing

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purchases

show examples

. Surprisingly, over a period there was no marked change in the ratio of petrol and furniture

Submitted by @ur_davrik on Tue Oct 03 2023

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coherence cohesion

The introduction should include a clearer statement about what the pie charts are comparing.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion is not present in the essay. Please provide a conclusion summarizing the main points of the comparison.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples and details to support the points made.

task achievement

The response is not complete as it does not fully address the task prompt. Additionally, there are some inaccuracies in describing the data.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

177 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The expenses in 7 different categories in 1966 and 1996 by American Citizens

Fully explain your ideas

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory in high school programmes (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children).

With technology speeding up, more and more young people begin to use mobile phones and the Internet, but old people have little chance to be exposed to them. What ways could mobile phone and the Internet be useful to old people? How can old people be encouraged to use this new technology?