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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Study the graphs in figure 9 below, which show changes in the amount of food produced in different parts of the world between 1965 and 1988.

Study the graphs in figure 9 below, which show changes in the amount of food produced in different parts of the world between 1965 and 1988.
The graph below illustrates information about the changes in the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
food
Use synonyms
 produced in
Correct article usage
a varitey
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varitey
Correct your spelling
variety
parts
Change preposition
of parts
show examples
 of
earth
Correct article usage
the earth
show examples
 between 1965 and 1988.
According to
Linking Words
 the information provided, we can see that
Asia
Use synonyms
until
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1975
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
manfucaturing
Correct your spelling
manufacturing
food
Use synonyms
 gradually until 1988 it
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 the
heighest
Correct your spelling
highest
food
Use synonyms
manufacturing
Replace the word
manufacturer
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Africa
Use synonyms
start
Change the verb form
starts
show examples
 with the same
of
Change preposition
as
show examples
Asia
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 their
amount
Use synonyms
 of
food
Use synonyms
 production
drop
Change the verb form
drops
show examples
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
significantily
Correct your spelling
significantly
 to the lowest. Meanwhile, the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
food
Use synonyms
 production in North America
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 fluctuating yearly. If we look more closely, we notice that the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
food
Use synonyms
 in
Asia
Use synonyms
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
show examples
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 %100 and it increases gradually
about
Change preposition
to about
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 110% in 1977. After that sharply
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
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 up to 150% in 1988.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Africa
Use synonyms
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 with 100% quantity of
food
Use synonyms
 in 1965 and
Correct your spelling
significantly
significantilly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 decreases up to 80% in 1988.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of
food
Use synonyms
 in North America rose
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
approixmitely
Correct your spelling
approximately
 122% in 1977
then
Linking Words
 it
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 to fluctuate every year until 1988 it
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 109%. To summarize, there are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
major differences between
Asia
Use synonyms
 and
Africa
Use synonyms
.
Asia
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end
Change the verb form
ends
show examples
 up with the
heighest
Correct your spelling
highest
amount
Use synonyms
 of
food
Use synonyms
 processing and
Use synonyms
africa
Change the capitalization
Africa
show examples
 results with the lowest.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, food, asia, africa with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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