IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Schools should only offer subjects that are beneficial to students’ future career success. Other subjects, such as music and sports, are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Currently, there is a debate about whether schools should only offer
subjects
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 that can help
students
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’ future career success (i.e.,
subjects
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such
Linking Words
 as
sports
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 and
music
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 are irrelevant). As far as I am concerned, I believe
subjects
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such
Linking Words
 as
music
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 and
sports
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 are equally important. Compelling arguments can be made that those seemingly unimportant
subjects
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such
Linking Words
 as
art
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,
music
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 and
sports
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 are actually just as important as core
subjects
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 like
English
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 and
maths
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. The first point with respect to
this
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 is that
art
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,
music
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 and
sports
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 make a student a well-rounded person. There is no denying that a young person who is artistic and athletic is
morelikely
Correct your spelling
more likely
 to be physically and mentally healthy.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
subjects
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 like
art
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,
music
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 and
sportshelp
Correct your spelling
sports help
students
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 to identify their interests and hobbies early in life. True, if a young person is able to know what they are really passionate about, they can continue doing what they enjoy in their adult life. More importantly,
sports
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,
art
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 and
music
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 help
students
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 strike a balance in their learning at school. Clearly, if
students
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 only study
English
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 and
maths
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 at school, their life will be very boring.It may be tempting to argue that
students
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 should focus on what makes them
morcessful
Correct your spelling
successful
 in the future. The fundamental reason for
this
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 is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mainstream society defines “success” in a narrow-minded way. By that I mean most people believe that making more money is the only definition of success and they think learning
English
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 and
maths
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 helps them make more money. But
further
Linking Words
 analysis would make it clear that being happy is probably way more important than having more wealth in the long term. On the basis of the above discussion, I believe that
subjects
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such
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 as
music
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,
art
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 and
sports
Use synonyms
 should be taught in every school, apart from
subjects
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 like
English
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 and
maths
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.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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