some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertainment and ecological important. Discuss both views

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Although
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some people think that putting
animals
Use synonyms
into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cage
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cages
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not
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is not
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suitable behaviour as
a
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apply
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human
being
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beings
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, others believe that zoos are
crutical
Correct your spelling
critical
crucial
for entertainment activities and
also
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it has
Wrong verb form
have
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some benefits from
ecological
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the ecological
an ecological
show examples
point.
This
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essay will discuss both
opinion
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opinions
show examples
. On the one hand, children spend their free time with their families in zoos and gain valuable insights about wildlife. In
this
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way, governments generate
reveneu
Correct your spelling
revenue
revenues
from entrance and invest
this
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money into different important areas
such
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as health and education.
Also
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, those places have rehabilitation
center
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centers
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and special breeding programs for endangered species.
Furthermore
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, they collect eggs and sperm from those
animals
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and make
fertilization
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fertilise
show examples
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
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artificial
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an artificial
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environment and produce that species again before
put
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being put
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to
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into
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature.
On the other hand
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,
animals
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evolved
for
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to
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live in nature not in buildings
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
made by humans. In the jungle, they
use
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used
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to travel
hundred
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hundreds
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of kilometers for hunting or reaching
to
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apply
show examples
water
reseources
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resources
.
In addition
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to that, most of them are social creatures
as well as
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humans and they tend to do daily
works
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work
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together. When
put
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putting
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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into close areas, they
couldn't
Wrong verb form
can't
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do those activities and it ends
with
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in
show examples
health
isues
Correct your spelling
issues
.
For example
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, dolphins are one of the only
animal
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animals
show examples
that can kill themself and
last
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year three
dolphin
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dolphins
show examples
suicide in one zoo located in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
because of
lonelines
Correct your spelling
loneliness
. In conclusion,
while
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zoos have several benefits for both governments and nature view,
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also
Correct pronoun usage
they also
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it has
Wrong verb form
have
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drawbacks
ended
Wrong verb form
that end
show examples
up with
Use synonyms
animals
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animals'
animal's
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death
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deaths
show examples
. Those reasons continue to
putting
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put
show examples
this
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topic as a discussion field in society.
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coherence cohesion
The introduction could be clearer and more engaging, providing a brief overview of the main points to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
For a balanced discussion, it is advisable to present each viewpoint in separate paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Include a concluding paragraph which summarizes the main points discussed and reinforces your overall opinion.
coherence cohesion
Use more transition words and phrases to enhance the coherence between sentences and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and provides adequate supporting information.
grammatical range accuracy
There are a few grammatical errors throughout the essay. Be sure to proofread and edit for accuracy.
task achievement
Expand on the reasons and examples given to support your ideas.
lexical resource
Develop your vocabulary by using a wider range of words and expressions.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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