some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertainment and ecological important. Discuss both views
Although
some people think that putting animals
into the
Correct article usage
apply
cage
Fix the agreement mistake
cages
not
suitable behaviour as Add a missing verb
is not
a
human Correct article usage
apply
being
, others believe that zoos are Fix the agreement mistake
beings
crutical
for entertainment activities and Correct your spelling
critical
crucial
also
it has
some benefits from Wrong verb form
have
ecological
point. Add an article
the ecological
an ecological
This
essay will discuss both opinion
.
On the one hand, children spend their free time with their families in zoos and gain valuable insights about wildlife. In Change to a plural noun
opinions
this
way, governments generate reveneu
from entrance and invest Correct your spelling
revenue
revenues
this
money into different important areas such
as health and education. Also
, those places have rehabilitation center
and special breeding programs for endangered species. Fix the agreement mistake
centers
Furthermore
, they collect eggs and sperm from those animals
and make fertilization
Replace the word
fertilise
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
artificial
environment and produce that species again before Add an article
an artificial
put
Add a missing verb
being put
to
Change preposition
into
the
nature.
Correct article usage
apply
On the other hand
, animals
evolved for
live in nature not in buildings Change preposition
to
that
made by humans. In the jungle, they Correct pronoun usage
apply
use
to travel Wrong verb form
used
hundred
of kilometers for hunting or reaching Correct your spelling
hundreds
to
water Change preposition
apply
reseources
. Correct your spelling
resources
In addition
to that, most of them are social creatures as well as
humans and they tend to do daily works
together. When Fix the agreement mistake
work
put
Change the verb form
putting
them
into close areas, they Correct pronoun usage
apply
couldn't
do those activities and it ends Wrong verb form
can't
with
health Change preposition
in
isues
. Correct your spelling
issues
For example
, dolphins are one of the only animal
that can kill themself and Change to a plural noun
animals
last
year three dolphin
suicide in one zoo located in Fix the agreement mistake
dolphins
UK
because of Correct article usage
the UK
lonelines
.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
loneliness
while
zoos have several benefits for both governments and nature view, also
Correct pronoun usage
they also
it has
drawbacks Wrong verb form
have
ended
up with Wrong verb form
that end
animals
Change noun form
animals'
animal's
death
. Those reasons continue to Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
putting
Change the verb
put
this
topic as a discussion field in society.Submitted by airbender on
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coherence cohesion
The introduction could be clearer and more engaging, providing a brief overview of the main points to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
For a balanced discussion, it is advisable to present each viewpoint in separate paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Include a concluding paragraph which summarizes the main points discussed and reinforces your overall opinion.
coherence cohesion
Use more transition words and phrases to enhance the coherence between sentences and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and provides adequate supporting information.
grammatical range accuracy
There are a few grammatical errors throughout the essay. Be sure to proofread and edit for accuracy.
task achievement
Expand on the reasons and examples given to support your ideas.
lexical resource
Develop your vocabulary by using a wider range of words and expressions.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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