some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertainment and ecological important. Discuss both views

Although
some people think that putting
animals
into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cage
Fix the agreement mistake
cages
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not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
suitable behaviour as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
, others believe that zoos are
crutical
Correct your spelling
critical
crucial
for entertainment activities and
also
it has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
some benefits from
ecological
Add an article
the ecological
an ecological
show examples
point.
This
essay will discuss both
opinion
Change to a plural noun
opinions
show examples
. On the one hand, children spend their free time with their families in zoos and gain valuable insights about wildlife. In
this
way, governments generate
reveneu
Correct your spelling
revenue
revenues
from entrance and invest
this
money into different important areas
such
as health and education.
Also
, those places have rehabilitation
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
show examples
and special breeding programs for endangered species.
Furthermore
, they collect eggs and sperm from those
animals
and make
fertilization
Replace the word
fertilise
show examples
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
artificial
Add an article
an artificial
show examples
environment and produce that species again before
put
Add a missing verb
being put
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature.
On the other hand
,
animals
evolved
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
live in nature not in buildings
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
made by humans. In the jungle, they
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
to travel
hundred
Correct your spelling
hundreds
show examples
of kilometers for hunting or reaching
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
water
reseources
Correct your spelling
resources
.
In addition
to that, most of them are social creatures
as well as
humans and they tend to do daily
works
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work
show examples
together. When
put
Change the verb form
putting
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
into close areas, they
couldn't
Wrong verb form
can't
show examples
do those activities and it ends
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
health
isues
Correct your spelling
issues
.
For example
, dolphins are one of the only
animal
Change to a plural noun
animals
show examples
that can kill themself and
last
year three
dolphin
Fix the agreement mistake
dolphins
show examples
suicide in one zoo located in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
because of
lonelines
Correct your spelling
loneliness
. In conclusion,
while
zoos have several benefits for both governments and nature view,
also
Correct pronoun usage
they also
show examples
it has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
drawbacks
ended
Wrong verb form
that end
show examples
up with
animals
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animals'
animal's
show examples
death
Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
show examples
. Those reasons continue to
putting
Change the verb
put
show examples
this
topic as a discussion field in society.
Submitted by airbender on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction could be clearer and more engaging, providing a brief overview of the main points to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
For a balanced discussion, it is advisable to present each viewpoint in separate paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Include a concluding paragraph which summarizes the main points discussed and reinforces your overall opinion.
coherence cohesion
Use more transition words and phrases to enhance the coherence between sentences and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and provides adequate supporting information.
grammatical range accuracy
There are a few grammatical errors throughout the essay. Be sure to proofread and edit for accuracy.
task achievement
Expand on the reasons and examples given to support your ideas.
lexical resource
Develop your vocabulary by using a wider range of words and expressions.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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