IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the ammount spent on digital games in the USA and China from 2010 to 2017 and the pie chart shows global spending on these games in 2017.

The bar chart shows the ammount spent on digital games in the USA and China from 2010 to 2017 and the pie chart shows global spending on these games in 2017.
#bar #ammount #games #usa #china
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The bar
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates the
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
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 spent on video games in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
China
Use synonyms
 between 2010 to 2017, and the pie
chart
Use synonyms
 presents the worldwide spending on these games in 2017.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the bar
chart
Use synonyms
 USA
remained
Verb problem
maintained
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 a stable increase
in
Change preposition
apply
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each year,
in contrast
Linking Words
,
China
Use synonyms
 had a significant difference between 2017 and 2010. In
pie
Add an article
a pie
the pie
show examples
chart
Use synonyms
, Mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 took the major part of the diagram, after that were
Console
Correct article usage
the Console
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 and PC.
USA
Correct article usage
The USA
show examples
 had increased stable in
this
Linking Words
 period, which was about 2
Use synonyms
billions
Change to singular
billion
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 growth in each year. It used to be 18
Use synonyms
billions
Change to singular
billion
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 in 2010, after 7 years, the cost became 28
Use synonyms
billions
Change to singular
billion
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 which had a 3
Use synonyms
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
 difference between
China
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the expense in
China
Use synonyms
 was 8
Use synonyms
billions
Change to singular
billion
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,
however
Linking Words
, the number surged to 27
Use synonyms
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
 in 2017. Mobile was the biggest global expense on video games, it took
two-fifth
Fix the agreement mistake
two-fifths
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 of the pie
chart
Use synonyms
. After that was the Console and PC, the combination of these two portions was 58
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 which had a 16
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 difference
than
Change preposition
from
show examples
 Mobile.
Submitted by chaoweikevin on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, china, billions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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