IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Children can learn effectively by watching television. Therefore they should be encouraged to regularly watch television whether at home or school. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #television #home #school
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There are some opinions about
effects
Correct article usage
the effects
show examples
 of
television
 on
children
's education. Some
people
 think that
this
 is useful for
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation's perception,
while
 in others'
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
mind
Add a comma
,mind
show examples
 there is more negative effect than positive. I agree with
second
Change the article
the second
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 group of
people
.
Firstly
, parents can't control TV's content. There would be any kind of content that
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 intended for young
people
. You can say that there is a way to limit
children
's watching time. But you can't control your
children
 for 24 hours and 7 days a week. When watching TV becomes a habit,
children
 will do it anyway.
Furthermore
,
television
 can limit
children
's creativity and imagination. When young
people
reading
Wrong verb form
read
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 a book, they can imagine what is happening in their mind. But when they just
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
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 it, they just see
Correct article usage
the imaginated
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imaginated
Correct your spelling
imagined
 result of
story
Add an article
the story
a story
show examples
 by someone else.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other side, for
children
 who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
difficultuies
Correct your spelling
difficulties
on
Change preposition
with
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 perception, it could
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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positively
Correct pronoun usage
them positively
show examples
. When they see what is happening in
process
Add an article
the process
show examples
, they will understand better,
instead
 of just reading information.
Moreover
,
television
 can expose
children
 to different cultures and perspectives. It can be more beneficial when they are watching it at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
. Because there is special
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 for school
television
.
To conclude
, preventing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
wathcing
Correct your spelling
watching
 TV would be more efficient for
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation. Because of
future
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the future
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result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
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 of
lacking
Wrong verb form
a lack of
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 imagination
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Instead
, they should read more books
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 expand
worldview
Correct pronoun usage
their worldview
show examples
.
Submitted by croownguuard on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • passive
  • sedentary
  • limit
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • educational content
  • expose
  • different cultures
  • perspectives
  • negative effects
  • behavior
What to do next:
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