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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows information about the use of public transport in one coutry, by age group and location of residence, in 2016.

The graph below shows information about the use of public transport in one coutry, by age group and location of residence, in 2016.
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The graph provides the
percentage
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 of public
transport
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 used by different
age
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 groups and
location
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locations
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 of residence in 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
, large
city
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residents
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 used public
transport
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 more than other
residents
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. It can be clearly seen that almost 40% of big
city
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residents
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 aged 0-15 used public
transport
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while
Linking Words
 only a minority of other
residents
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 did the same.
Linking Words
Also
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,Also
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 there is a significant growth of public
transport
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 users among 16-45 year old large
city
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residents
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. Other
residents
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of
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aged
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age
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 16-30 used public
transport
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 slightly more than other
residents
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 aged 31-45.
According to
Linking Words
 the data there is a sharp decline
of
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in
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 the
percentage
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 between
age
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 groups of 31-45 and 61-75,
while
Linking Words
 the
percentage
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 of other
residents
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 aged 31-45 and 46-60 using public
transport
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 stabilized at 15%. Other
residents
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at
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aged
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age
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 61-75 are the only
age
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 group that used public
transport
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 more than large
city
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residents
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. After a fall
of
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in
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 the
percentage
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 of public
transport
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 users living in big
city
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 residences at
age
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 61-75, there is a minimal escalation,
while
Linking Words
 the
percentage
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 of public
transport
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 using other
residents
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 slowly rose.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, transport, age, city, residents with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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