IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that modern technology has enhanced sociable behavior, but others think it has reduced social interactions. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The unprecedented growth of social media use
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 positive and negative outcomes to
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 life.
While
Linking Words
 many people believe that
modernization
Correct article usage
the modernization
show examples
 of
technology
Use synonyms
 led to
improve
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
manners of society, others think that it causes decreased social
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will outline both views and explain why people tend to limit their social interactions
as a result
Linking Words
 of the current developed
technology
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, adults mostly began to get mobilized in their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 after the Coronavirus pandemic in 2020, which
resulting
Wrong verb form
resulted
show examples
 in gathering and sharing their emotions online rather than
in-person
Correct your spelling
in person
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, most of the community worked from home since
this
Linking Words
,
therefore
Linking Words
 they
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
adapted to
this
Linking Words
 situation.
For instance
Linking Words
, many companies offer an option whether employers are free to work from home or
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
, most of them are choosing to work from home sedentarily rather than office.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, common usage of
technology
Use synonyms
, dominantly social media,
enable
Correct subject-verb agreement
enables
show examples
 people to easily and conveniently communicate through their mobile phones all day long, which is the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 distracted attention and
asocialization
Correct your spelling
socialization
a socialization
. Even
tough
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
, indeed it able pupils to
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
 more reachable, it
also
Linking Words
direct
Correct subject-verb agreement
directs
show examples
 them
for talking
Change preposition
to talk
show examples
 via applications
instead
Linking Words
 of face-to-face interactions.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, there are students and adults
communicate
Correct pronoun usage
who communicate
show examples
 through Instagram
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 only sending enjoyable videos to their friends. In conclusion,
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 technologies offer
ones
Fix the agreement mistake
one
show examples
 various opportunities to accomplish many tasks including communication, which lacks
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
social interactions. If
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
 is willing to improve sociable
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 by using
technology
Use synonyms
, they should strike a balance in between.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to provide a brief overview of the topic and state your opinion in the introduction. Similarly, summarize your main points and restate your opinion in the conclusion.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples and evidence. Provide more detailed examples to strengthen your arguments.
grammatical range accuracy
Ensure that your sentences are grammatically correct and use appropriate vocabulary. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and word choice.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: