IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The best way to solve world’s traffic and environmental problems is increase the cost of fuel. Do you agree or disagree and give your own opinion?

#world’s #traffic #cost #fuel
Nowadays, some
people
 believe that the best
solution
 to reduce the world's traffic is to increase the cost of
fuel
. Personally, I believe that
this
 is not a profitable
solution
 and I will explain my reasons in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, I think that even if the government increases the
fuel's
Change noun form
fuel
show examples
 cost, there are still many humans who can afford it and there will not be much change
at the end
 of the day. Because the rich
people
 who
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to
use
 their
cars
, they don't care about how expensive the
fuel
 is. So, there should be some other solutions to solve the environmental problems.
For instance
, societies can encourage
people
 to
use
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
cars
, by making bikes or public transport free of charge or at a very low price.
As a result
, there will be less air pollution and the world's traffic can be solved
this
 way.
Secondly
, the other
solution
 that can reduce the environmental problems is to increase the amount of hybrid
cars
.
However
, some
people
 believe that
electrical
Replace the word
electric
show examples
cars
 are so expensive and there
isn't
Change the verb form
aren't
show examples
 enough places that they can charge these kinds of
cars
. So, it is obvious that government and car companies should reduce their price in order to encourage more
people
 to
use
 them. In conclusion, the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
fuel's
Change noun form
fuel
show examples
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 is not a suitable
solution
 and societies should encourage
people
 to
use
 more public transport or hybrid
cars
instead
 of their own
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
show examples
 in order to reduce the global warming effects and solve the environmental issues.
Submitted by parvane_ava on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Although the essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, it could benefit from providing more specific examples to support the arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The body paragraphs could be better organized by discussing one solution per paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate, but more variety could be introduced.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are some grammatical errors and sentence structure issues that could be improved.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: