IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society?

#world #life #expectancy #individuals #society
The increasing of life expectancy has both
advantanges
Correct your spelling
advantages
 and disadvantages for individuals and
society
. As for individuals, I think advantages are more than disadvantages. When
people
 live longer, they get more time to
schieve
Correct your spelling
achieve
 their goals. They don't have to
hurried
Change the verb
hurry
show examples
 all things up only in
one's
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
so called
Add a hyphen
so-called
show examples
 "prime" time,
in
contrast
Add the comma(s)
,contrast
show examples
 they get options to achieve different goals
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
. And
then
 when they are older and older, they will be satisfied with slowing down the pace to enjoy life. But they
also
 have to face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their own difficulties different from their ancestors. They need to deal with different physical and mental problems
maybe
Verb problem
that may not
show examples
haven't
Rephrase
have
show examples
 been found before.
Also
, they need to learn to get
along with
longliness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
, because their children may be busy with their career, family and life for a longer time. For
society
, challenges come first. The rate of the old will be bigger, it brings about pressure. They are not as effective as the young to contribute to the
society
. Meanwhile, they require larger
invest
Replace the word
investment
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 medical
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 from the government. The good side is old
people
 can pass on their wisdom to the young, through
this
 way they can benefit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. And with more and more importance we attach to the old,
people
 will be more empathetic about the old. The atmosphere of
society
 will be that
people
 are always willing to help and care
each
Change preposition
for each
show examples
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
.
Submitted by asllchkied on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • developed world
  • problems
  • increasing
  • burden
  • healthcare systems
  • financial strain
  • aging population
  • workforce
  • social and emotional challenges
  • age-related diseases
  • long-term care
  • retirement
  • pension systems
  • social welfare programs
  • accessible transportation
  • housing
  • social and community services
What to do next:
Look at other essays: