Travelling abroad is regarded as a valuable and good activity for young people, but some think it takes too much time and money. Discuss both view and give opinion.

Youngters
Correct your spelling
Youngsters
these days have so much exposure
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
the world they live in and they are aware of many opportunities in it.Eventually, they want to travel around the world. Which they consider more precious and enjoyable to do.Few believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it may consume huge
time
and
money
.
However
, journeys to foreign countries have become inevitable because of the opportunities they provide, high paid jobs and
also
a chance to explore new
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
and cuisine.
For instance
, pursuing a
bachelors
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
in engineering
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
renowed
Correct your spelling
renowned
renewed
nation like
germany
Change the capitalization
Germany
show examples
could be more valuable and fills us with more modernized ideas and technologies .
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
, studying in
germany
Change the capitalization
Germany
show examples
offers us the chance to get into the top companies like BMW,TESLA and so on.
Consequently
, we can get into a
high paid
Correct your spelling
high-paying
show examples
job as we
desired
Wrong verb form
desire
show examples
.
Moreover
,going abroad is considered to be a good activity.Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
we can explore a huge variety of cuisines and
also
accompany ourselves with
natives
Change the noun form
native
show examples
culture.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, doing
this
could consume more
time
and
money
.
In particular
, before travelling to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foreign countries .We need to acquire some
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
like communication.In order to ,understand and speak and
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
this
could require so much
money
and
time
.Aside from that, the procedure that we need
finish
Fix the infinitive
to finish
show examples
before entering a country could
also
consume huge
time
and
money
.
for
Capitalize word
For
show examples
example, a person who
desire
Change the verb form
desires
show examples
to study in
germany
Change the capitalization
Germany
show examples
needs to understand and speak with the
germans
Capitalize word
Germans
show examples
.
Cause
Correct your spelling
Because
show examples
of that, we need to attend ielts training which
also
needs more
money
and
time
.
In addition
to that,for getting admission at
top ranked
Add a hyphen
top-ranked
show examples
universities ,we should frame a perfect resume and should buy an admission form.Even after getting
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
admission
Add a comma
,admission
show examples
we should acquire a visa, passport and a ticket for travelling through the sky.
To conclude
,journeys to foreign countries could make us
exciting
Replace the word
excited
show examples
and could change our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Although
, it
reuires
Correct your spelling
requires
a huge sum of
money
.
Submitted by insighttribez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to address both views in a balanced manner. Present the arguments and counterarguments more clearly.
task achievement
Provide more examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more coherently. Use paragraphs to separate the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
lexical resource
Use more varied vocabulary and expressions. Avoid repetition.
grammatical range and accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. There are some errors and awkward phrasing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • valuable experiences
  • broaden horizons
  • expose to different cultures
  • promote personal growth
  • independence
  • lifelong memories
  • friendships
  • time-consuming
  • costly
  • planning
  • preparation
  • research
  • transportation
  • accommodation
  • meals
  • learning opportunities
  • classroom setting
  • comfort zone
  • challenge
What to do next:
Look at other essays: