Travelling abroad is regarded as a valuable and good activity for young people, but some think it takes too much time and money. Discuss both view and give opinion.
Youngters
these days have so much exposure Correct your spelling
Youngsters
about
the world they live in and they are aware of
many opportunities in it.Eventually, they want to travel around the world. Which they consider more precious and enjoyable to do.Few believeChange preposition
to
,
it may consume huge Remove the comma
apply
time
and money
.
However
, journeys to foreign countries have become inevitable because of the opportunities they provide, high paid jobs and also
a chance to explore new culture
and cuisine. Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
For instance
, pursuing a bachelors
in engineering Change noun form
bachelor's
at
a Change preposition
in
renowed
nation like Correct your spelling
renowned
renewed
germany
could be more valuable and fills us with more modernized ideas and technologies .Change the capitalization
Germany
Further more
, studying in Correct your spelling
Furthermore
germany
offers us the chance to get into the top companies like BMW,TESLA and so on.Change the capitalization
Germany
Consequently
, we can get into a high paid
job as we Correct your spelling
high-paying
desired
.Wrong verb form
desire
Moreover
,going abroad is considered to be a good activity.Since,
we can explore a huge variety of cuisines and Remove the comma
apply
also
accompany ourselves with natives
culture.
Change the noun form
native
Although
, doing Correct word choice
However
this
could consume more time
and money
.In particular
, before travelling to the
foreign countries .We need to acquire some Correct article usage
apply
skill
like communication.In order to ,understand and speak and Fix the agreement mistake
skills
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
this
could require so much money
and time
.Aside from that, the procedure that we need finish
before entering a country could Fix the infinitive
to finish
also
consume huge time
and money
.for
example, a person who Capitalize word
For
desire
to study in Change the verb form
desires
germany
needs to understand and speak with the Change the capitalization
Germany
germans
.Capitalize word
Germans
Cause
of that, we need to attend ielts training which Correct your spelling
Because
also
needs more money
and time
.In addition
to that,for getting admission at top ranked
universities ,we should frame a perfect resume and should buy an admission form.Even after getting Add a hyphen
top-ranked
an
Correct article usage
apply
admission
we should acquire a visa, passport and a ticket for travelling through the sky.
Add a comma
,admission
To conclude
,journeys to foreign countries could make us exciting
and could change our Replace the word
excited
life
.Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Although
, it reuires
a huge sum of Correct your spelling
requires
money
.Submitted by insighttribez on
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task achievement
Make sure to address both views in a balanced manner. Present the arguments and counterarguments more clearly.
task achievement
Provide more examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more coherently. Use paragraphs to separate the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
lexical resource
Use more varied vocabulary and expressions. Avoid repetition.
grammatical range and accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. There are some errors and awkward phrasing.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example