IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some parents forbid young children from owning smart phones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why?

#parents #children #phones #cell #internet #access #tools #touch #point
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Some
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents
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 do not allow their
children
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 to get their own
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phones
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while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
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 argue that they are
the
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apply
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vital methods for interaction.
This
Linking Words
 essay is going to discuss how the behaviours of youth
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 affected by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cell
Use synonyms
phones
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but
Correct word choice
and
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 how they benefit communication. One of the major reasons why
parents
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 refuse to let teenagers get a
cell
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
 is that teens may not be able to control themselves from
stop
Wrong verb form
stopping
show examples
 using the
phone
Use synonyms
. Many different types of information, like cooking, gaming and crafting can be found
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the Internet. They can
also
Linking Words
 access
to
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apply
show examples
different mobile games or social
medial
Replace the word
media
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 platforms. There are a lot of temptations in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cell
Use synonyms
phones
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, and
thus
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 young people may
be
Verb problem
become
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 addicted to
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 and not able to stop themselves from using
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
This
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 has been confirmed by a survey in
US
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the US
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 which reveals that the majority of
children
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 spend over 6 hours a day
for
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apply
show examples
using
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phones
Use synonyms
. In order to prevent
children
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become
Wrong verb form
from becoming
show examples
 addicted to them, some
parents
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 refuse
letting
Change the verb form
to let
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 teenagers
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
get
phones
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.
On the other hand
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, some
parents
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 believe that teenagers should own a
phone
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 since it can help
fostering
Wrong verb form
foster
show examples
 the relationship of the
children
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 with the
others
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. Many different platforms like
Whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
show examples
 and Instagram are available on the
phone
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 for people to interact with
the
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apply
show examples
others
Use synonyms
. If the teens face any problem, they can let their
parents
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 know immediately through the
phones
Use synonyms
 and to prevent accidents. They can
also
Linking Words
 communicate with someone overseas. A survey in
the
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apply
show examples
Britain demonstrates that during
the
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apply
show examples
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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, many families
choose
Wrong verb form
chose
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 to use Zoom or Facetime to communicate.
Cell
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phones
Use synonyms
 can
therefore
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 help people to interact with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
Use synonyms
 easily and to maintain
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 with someone overseas.
To conclude
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, it can be noticed that there are some drawbacks like
addiction
Correct article usage
the addiction
show examples
 problem
on
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of
show examples
 letting a child own a
phone
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe it is better for them to get one as it is a fundamental tool for interaction these days. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
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teens can control themselves to stop using their
phones
Use synonyms
 by setting time limits,
phones
Use synonyms
 will become a useful tool.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task achievement
Provide a clear introduction that introduces the topic and states your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and supports that point with specific examples or evidence.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied language.
grammatical range accuracy
Work on your sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and accuracy.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • forbid
  • smartphones
  • cell phones
  • Internet access
  • importance
  • keeping in touch
  • negative impacts
  • development
  • social skills
  • engaging
  • physical activities
  • glued to a screen
  • staying connected
  • communication
  • convenience
  • limited access
  • encouraging
  • face-to-face interactions
  • family
  • friends
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