IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people hold different views about whether it is necessary to do vocational courses
due to
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 the shortage of skilful employees in certain jobs.
While
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 I accept that vocational courses need to be encouraged more, I believe that academic study is
also
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 important. On the one hand, there are some reasons why vocational training should be invested. The first reason is that
this
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 module of education is in demand in the job market in many societies. To be more specific, since the rapid modernization leading to the development of high-rise buildings, the construction industry requires a large number of qualified workers. Indeed, in many countries, a permanent maintenance staff of skilled tradesmen is employed in hospitals, schools or museums, ensuring the safety of all who use the buildings. Another reason is that there exists a group of pupils who do not have any interest in academic study.
Therefore
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, vocational training should be widely expanded so that they can have alternative choices for future careers.
On the other hand
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, going to university for academic study is
also
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 essential for the development of civilization.
Firstly
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, the professional sector
such
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 as doctors, nurses, etc, are always needed for human life. These professions require people to have academic diplomas and graduate from university with a major.
Furthermore
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, a bachelor's degree will create more opportunities for office jobs that have higher salaries than manual jobs. In conclusion,
while
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 vocational courses need to be encouraged, it seems to me that pursuing an academic career is
also
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 a wise option.

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task achievement
Expand on specific examples to strengthen arguments, such as providing statistics or citing real-world situations.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and is linked with smooth transitions for better flow.
task achievement
Balanced view on both vocational training and academic study.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • skilled workers
  • vocational training
  • academic study
  • qualified
  • electricians
  • plumbers
  • technicians
  • hands-on experience
  • job market
  • infrastructure
  • economy
  • unemployment rates
  • consumer spending
  • educational paths
  • job satisfaction
  • societal resilience
  • versatile workforce
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