Traffic is a very serious problem. The pedestrians and bicycle riders are facing more and more danger. Many gardens become sacrifices to highways. What are the best ways to make the citizens satisfied?

#traffic #pedestrians #bicycle #riders #danger #gardens #sacrifices #highways #citizens

It is true that nowadays become more and more

problems

with

traffic

, which can lead to serious troubles for

humans

like bicycle riders and so on.

Overall

, the are some kinds of

problems

, which can be solved by humanity and might be by the government. It is considered that one of the main

problems

is rule.

In other words

, nowadays people do not want to keep the

traffic

rules, because they want just go faster or be in place on time.

Furthermore

, the cause of

this

increased crashes.

For instance

, in

last

2022 year in Kazakhstan, 134000 human beings were knocked down by cars.

Consequently

, if it continues, the

problems

with

traffic

will not end.

Moreover

, the number of deaths will not decrease. A solution for

this

problem

might be aggressive rules

such

as adding the death penalty, long years of prison and so on.

In addition

this

problem

might solved by the government and police, but

this

problem

needs quite a long period of time. It is assumed that there is another

problem

with

traffic

. The second reason is not carefulness of riders and just people.

This

means that there might be situations when the person was with headphones or something else.

According to

the statistics of

last

year, in Kazakhstan, just over 30,000

humans

were hit by cars,trains and so on.

Therefore

, there are

also

problems

which can be caused by

humans

, not only drivers. A solution for

this

problem

might be to make rules or just be careful with headphones or with using the telephone near the roads.

Moreover

, in my

opinion

Add a comma

opinion,

show examples

this

problem

can easily solved by us

humans

, and surely by the states. In conclusion, there were

problems

which can lead to

traffic

. Taking everything mentioned into account in our final, analysis we can say that everything is possible, and any

problem

can solved by the government and definitely by

humans

Submitted by aikumarbekarys on Thu Oct 05 2023

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coherence cohesion

Improve the organization and structure of the essay by separating paragraphs for each main point.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.

lexial resource

Expand your vocabulary and use more varied language.

grammatical range accuracy

Review your sentence structure and grammar.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

316 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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